Friday, March 9, 2007

Here is a Bad Idea:

First, make sure you are very sick for several days, ensuring a complete lack of desire to get out of bed and go eat. Subsist on Ramen noodles and hot tea.

Then get better, but maintain your sore throat despite feeling perfectly fine, so you don't feel sick but you can't swallow easily. Proceed to pick out soft foods like eggs for breakfast, but make sure that you're eating in a cafeteria that can't seem to fully hard-boil the damn things so you can't finish them without triggering your gag reflex. Also make sure you have weird dietary restrictions on the eating of meat, limiting your lunchtime consumption to vegetarian chili. Subsist on hot tea, juice, and vegetarian chili.

Then decide to break your near-fast with Asian food that you've never tried before and have no idea how your stomach will respond to it. Decide you dislike the taste and be too obsessed with making a good impression to ask for something more substantiative, like solid food.

At this point you will feel perfectly healthy except for the fact you've eaten an anorexic's fare for the past week or so and don't actually have any of the proper nutrients in your system, except for iron, because of the stupid pills you're taking and probably peeing out because the body needs vitamin C to absorb iron and you haven't had anything vitamin C except for cough drops.

Your stomach will fill with gas, feel like it's about to explode, and bloat. Your first impact will be to get your knees as close to your chin as possible in an attempt to fix this problem (why does this work? I don't know. But I always cure stomach pain with contortionist practice). And if you're like me, your pain threshold is fairly high, so you're going to sit there all evening ignoring the fact that you're pretty sure your stomach has begun digesting your liver.

Oh, but you're gonna complain about it. Oh yes. Because that's what blogs are for.

That said, I totally can't complain as much as Mistake, who has pneumonia. As far as I know, it's not even the walking sort, and yet, she's been walking about for a couple of days now, because she is NUTS.

I Should Be a Science Fiction Writer

My ideas are very strange, and people often wonder what planet I'm from.
And while I may have some problems being "normal," I'll have no problems writing sci-fi.
Whether it's epic films, important novels, or vivid comics...
My own little universe could leave an important mark on the world!


SaM-GiRL said...

hahahahaha! like ur blog. very funny.

ian said...

Wow. Okay, that just sucks.


Make A Mistake 06 said...

Hahah--you totally can complain because stomach bugs are way worse than pneumonia--seeing as I had a stomach bug two weeks ago and I feel bad that I might have given it to you. I'm Sorry :(

Basiorana said...

But see, it wasn't a stomach bug. It was a sore throat that kept me from eating, thus, it was hunger combined with food I really shouldn't eat while hungry (Asian).