Wednesday, February 28, 2007

"You find beauty in ordinary things. Keep this trait."

I've been in an unshakable good mood all day today, and not even the dreaded Wednesday could bring me down. I set out from my dorm this morning thinking, "Wow. I'm in a really great mood. I think I'll be determined to keep it up, come what may."

But I actually didn't need to be determined; the good mood kind of stuck to me all day, and to it I attribute both my amazing staying-awake-in-Chem capacities and the fact that I totally didn't care that I was smiling all day, which normally would bug me as smiling non-stop makes people wonder what the joke is, or if they look especially goofy or something.

And I finally just came to the conclusion that I really don't like taking ballroom dance classes here, what I liked about dance classes at Arthur Murray was the non-threatening environment and having my dad (or my brother, even) as a dance partner. And while it's not like I need to fear for my life at Swing (unless I'm with someone else who's also new, in which case, hazards are sort of a given), it's a lot of emotional stress, for me, and I honestly don't want to have to do it. So unless Loquatia specifically asks me to go (unlikely, she has lots of friends there), I think I'll stick to yoga and walking around a lot.

There's very little to talk about today besides that; I could tell you about my awesome afternoon of nuking pine cones and playing with a scalpel but no one understands how awesome biology is for me so I won't even bother. Instead, I'm going to talk about something that's been bugging me for months but that I never got around to mentioning.

There's a guy on my floor who has a very pretty little girlfriend who he treats like crap. Every time I hear them walk by, I hear him call her "ho" or "bitch" or "slut," and then he'll make crude comments to her right in front of all his friends. When he has to so much as meet her for dinner he throws off lines like "Bitch better give me a blowjob" even when she's not around to defend herself. Now, I thought it was pretty demeaning and rude of him, but I figured she didn't mind horribly, since she was always laughing it off. I mean, she's probably one of the only girls in the world with lower self esteem than myself, but as long as he's not hitting her (though he grabs her rear a lot) and she doesn't seem to care, it's no big deal, right?

Then about a week or two ago I heard the following conversation outside my door (paraphrased):

"Come on, bitch, let's go."

"Aww, why do you always have to be mean like that? Why do you always call me names?" I pricked up my ears (shameless eavesdropper, I know). Could it be that the girl was finally going to stand up for herself?

"Well, what do you want me to call you?"

"I just wish that you'd call me beautiful. Like I'd come over and you'd give me a kiss and tell me I'm your princess or something."

There was a pause, during which time I can only presume he was staring at her in horror. Then he replied, "Like hell you do! You just keep on wishing! Not gonna happen!"

She didn't fight him, as far as I could tell; they wandered out of earshot. I was left with a really sad feeling inside. I mean, I don't know her name, and she'd probably be really offended if I said anything to her, because it was a private conversation that just happened to occur quite loudly right outside my door. But I sort of wanted to give her a hug after that. I mean, maybe this kid is incredible in bed or something, but it seems a lot more likely that he's found a girl who's so desperate to be loved that she'll put up with any amount of verbal abuse just to have a boyfriend.

Even at my lowest, I wouldn't put up with a guy calling me every derogatory, demeaning name in the book and demanding sexual favors. Not in a million years. This guy isn't drunk or "talking dirty," he's just taking advantage of a girl's insecurities to act like a jerk.

I really never thought there were guys out there like this... No, wait. I kind of assumed there were, somewhere. I just never thought there were girls who would tolerate it. I hope she breaks up with him. God, do I hope she breaks up with him.

I always try to see the good in people. I refuse to believe anyone is truly, completely, utterly bad; even Hitler was kind to animals. Sometimes you have to search very, very deeply, and the bad obviously outweighs the good, but there's that spark somewhere. Why must people make seeing it so hard?

(By the way: This post has in no way diminished my good mood. Sorry. I tried.)

In a Past Life...

I Was: A Brave Astrologer.

Where I Lived: Italy.

How I Died: Hung for treason.

1 comment:

Amishav said...

Why women continue to be with guys like that I'll never know. Maybe its just that he's like the abusive father or something...

Anyway, glad you aren't like that girl. Have fun nuking the pine cones!