The following is an (edited, transcribed) conversation between me and my sister.
Basiorana: I've heard that bicurious is the thing to be this season.
Basiorana: Though I'm not entirely sure how sexuality can be fashionable.
Shrewd: Oh, it totally is.
Shrewd: Bicurious is the new straight.
Basiorana: Well, asexuality is a bit like pocket protectors these days...
Basiorana: So what was straight the new?
Shrewd: Always has been.
Basiorana: Maybe pederastic?
Basiorana: That was cool in Ancient Greece.
Shrewd: Straight was the new Romanesque whateverness. Yeah.
Shrewd: It lasted for years and years.
Shrewd: Now there's a classic style.
Shrewd: Lasted for years and years...
Shrewd: and years and years and years.
Basiorana: Straight is classic?
Shrewd: Yeah. It's always a good look to pull off.
Shrewd: You can always be straight and cool.
Basiorana: Does this make pederasty retro? I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that.
Shrewd: Well, lesbian is alternative...
Shrewd: I guess pederasty is retro.
Shrewd: But we're not really to the point where it's a cool retro.
Basiorana: So like vinyl pantsuits?
Shrewd: Yeah. Kinda.
Shrewd: Not like colored mixing bowls, over sized shades, and marijuana.
Basiorana: I don't think pot went out of style either...
Shrewd: Pot, also classic.
Basiorana: Kettles aren't really in vogue now though.
Shrewd: They went out in what, the 1920s?
So it's decided: pederasty is the vinyl pantsuits of the sexual fashion world. That's right. Pederasty: it's weird, sticky, uncomfortable and never a good idea in the first place.