"You find beauty in ordinary things. Keep this trait."

I've been in an unshakable good mood all day today, and not even the dreaded Wednesday could bring me down. I set out from my dorm this morning thinking, "Wow. I'm in a really great mood. I think I'll be determined to keep it up, come what may."

But I actually didn't need to be determined; the good mood kind of stuck to me all day, and to it I attribute both my amazing staying-awake-in-Chem capacities and the fact that I totally didn't care that I was smiling all day, which normally would bug me as smiling non-stop makes people wonder what the joke is, or if they look especially goofy or something.

And I finally just came to the conclusion that I really don't like taking ballroom dance classes here, what I liked about dance classes at Arthur Murray was the non-threatening environment and having my dad (or my brother, even) as a dance partner. And while it's not like I need to fear for my life at Swing (unless I'm with someone else who's also new, in which case, hazards are sort of a given), it's a lot of emotional stress, for me, and I honestly don't want to have to do it. So unless Loquatia specifically asks me to go (unlikely, she has lots of friends there), I think I'll stick to yoga and walking around a lot.

There's very little to talk about today besides that; I could tell you about my awesome afternoon of nuking pine cones and playing with a scalpel but no one understands how awesome biology is for me so I won't even bother. Instead, I'm going to talk about something that's been bugging me for months but that I never got around to mentioning.

There's a guy on my floor who has a very pretty little girlfriend who he treats like crap. Every time I hear them walk by, I hear him call her "ho" or "bitch" or "slut," and then he'll make crude comments to her right in front of all his friends. When he has to so much as meet her for dinner he throws off lines like "Bitch better give me a blowjob" even when she's not around to defend herself. Now, I thought it was pretty demeaning and rude of him, but I figured she didn't mind horribly, since she was always laughing it off. I mean, she's probably one of the only girls in the world with lower self esteem than myself, but as long as he's not hitting her (though he grabs her rear a lot) and she doesn't seem to care, it's no big deal, right?

Then about a week or two ago I heard the following conversation outside my door (paraphrased):

"Come on, bitch, let's go."

"Aww, why do you always have to be mean like that? Why do you always call me names?" I pricked up my ears (shameless eavesdropper, I know). Could it be that the girl was finally going to stand up for herself?

"Well, what do you want me to call you?"

"I just wish that you'd call me beautiful. Like I'd come over and you'd give me a kiss and tell me I'm your princess or something."

There was a pause, during which time I can only presume he was staring at her in horror. Then he replied, "Like hell you do! You just keep on wishing! Not gonna happen!"

She didn't fight him, as far as I could tell; they wandered out of earshot. I was left with a really sad feeling inside. I mean, I don't know her name, and she'd probably be really offended if I said anything to her, because it was a private conversation that just happened to occur quite loudly right outside my door. But I sort of wanted to give her a hug after that. I mean, maybe this kid is incredible in bed or something, but it seems a lot more likely that he's found a girl who's so desperate to be loved that she'll put up with any amount of verbal abuse just to have a boyfriend.

Even at my lowest, I wouldn't put up with a guy calling me every derogatory, demeaning name in the book and demanding sexual favors. Not in a million years. This guy isn't drunk or "talking dirty," he's just taking advantage of a girl's insecurities to act like a jerk.

I really never thought there were guys out there like this... No, wait. I kind of assumed there were, somewhere. I just never thought there were girls who would tolerate it. I hope she breaks up with him. God, do I hope she breaks up with him.

I always try to see the good in people. I refuse to believe anyone is truly, completely, utterly bad; even Hitler was kind to animals. Sometimes you have to search very, very deeply, and the bad obviously outweighs the good, but there's that spark somewhere. Why must people make seeing it so hard?

(By the way: This post has in no way diminished my good mood. Sorry. I tried.)

In a Past Life...

I Was: A Brave Astrologer. Where I Lived: Italy. How I Died: Hung for treason.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

"Dónde están los cahones?" *

There are a million and one online blogs/discussion forums/whatever all dedicated to discussing obesity. I read one, a particularly mean one, and although I don't want to reply to them since they really don't care and will shoot me down anyway, I want to complain somewhere.

First of all. There are a lot of comments that divide up people into "healthy," "fat," and "anorexic/bulimic." Like anorexia means you're really, really skinny. Well, how's this for you- NOT EVERYONE WHO IS ANOREXIC IS SKINNY. Many of them started out actually overweight. When I was younger, I tried to be anorexic (Daddy figured it out and stopped me) because I am actually on the heavy side and it bothered me. Plenty of anorexics start out really overweight, especially middle-aged women. If an overweight woman never, ever eats in front of you, don't assume she's trying to hide her binging and goes home to eat mountains of food. She might actually be anorexic. Which is a bad way to loose weight and should not be considered as good because "at least she'll stop being so damn heavy."

Second. Yes, medical reasons are not an excuse to be overweight. Diseases that put you at risk of obesity don't mean that you won't be able to lose weight with diet and exercise. BUT. It makes it a LOT harder, and it's not their fault that it is more difficult. So cut them a bit more slack than you would your average eats-too-much-exercises-too-little person.

Third. People who are naturally thin, or who have always kept their weight down, don't realize what it's like to lose weight once you're already heavy. My parents and my sister are overweight, even more so than me. Dieting is one thing, though I'd like to see you try to diet when you're on a budget and can't afford healthy food, or when you're raising kids and they don't want to EAT healthy food, or when you're eating at a cafeteria where the healthy food is so damn nasty it drives you crazy. Also hard when you're living with people who are healthy, like my brother. My mom feels terrible making him eat diet food when he's at a healthy weight, but we always run out of the good food first, so Daddy eats the bad stuff. Also, if you're used to eating a lot, and go to eating a little, you will be hungry ALL THE TIME. Then you can't focus on school or work or anything because all you can think about is your stomach's noises.

Then there's exercising. Ever tried exercising when you loose your breath within five minutes or when your stomach/breasts bounce uncomfortably? It's miserable. And even besides that, consider this: A couple hours of exercising every day. When was the last time you thought to yourself, "Man, I always have a couple extra hours at the end of the day when I have absolutely nothing to do; no homework, no kids to chase, no work to do..."

I'm not saying that people shouldn't lose weight. I'm going to be a doctor, I'm the first to admit the healthy benefits of a proper weight. I'm just saying that I'm sick of people who have never, ever been overweight in their lives, who have never fought to loose weight or dealt with the pressure of the incredible inconvenience that losing weight is, going online under pseudonyms and talking about how "disgusting" and "lazy" overweight people are. My mother works almost non-stop at her job, telecommuting or at the office. Meanwhile she's spent the past 21 years caring for her kids as a working mom. She doesn't have TIME to devote to losing weight, because she's so busy... She's NOT lazy. Not in a million years. She just never had the time or energy to devote to losing weight after I was born, or The Brother after me. There are a lot of people out there who are overweight without being the sit-on-the-couch-and-never-move stereotype; they've just got different priorities. So all those people who rant on and on about "ugly fat chicks-" never "ugly fat men," no one cares about them- need to find themselves a pretty, perfect girl who'd rather go to the gym than care for her children or contribute to the household finances, and SHUT UP.

As a side note- any girl with a BMI of less than 23 is NOT FAT, and considering my own BMI, if I ever again hear a guy describe a stick-thin girl as "fat" because her abs are not rock-hard and she happened to have some unflattering pictures in a bikini due to an unfortunate pose, I will SIT ON HIM so he can appreciate the difference between rolls of skin with almost nothing in between them and my heavyset glory.

(Okay, so technically I'm only five to ten pounds from the high end of an appropriate weight range. I'm still in a heavier weight class than the kid I had in mind, so I fully intend to crush his rib cage if he jokes about that girl's weight again. He can, however, describe her hair as "dishwater blond" or her skin as "jaundiced" all he wants. Not that I would ever describe a girl that way. I'm just trying to offer him alternatives. He has to placate his girlfriend somehow.)

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One last thing: I would like to express the irony that last night I was offering out advice on dealing with guys. Bit like the blind leading the blind, or maybe the legally blind leading the completely so. on the plus side, I think I'm beginning to understand why a funny, silly, cute girl can best even me in the "can't get a date" arena, and it has absolutely nothing to do with weight.

It might have something to do with the fact that the most intelligent girl in the world can be amazingly unaware of what guys like in girls. I mean, I'm pretty clueless, but I at least know that the intelligence a guy seeks in a significant other is not an amazing ability to solve math problems at the speed of light, but rather a light in her eyes and wit in her tongue, and the ability to hold her own in a conversation.

The worst thing is knowing what guys are looking for, and not being able to provide it.

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*As stated by Mistake to Closer at lunch today....