Sunday, April 29, 2007

Foods of the Future, as predicted by Basio

More Floralia. Thus more flowers:


So maybe, if you were paying attention to the news a month or so ago you heard that they compared the proteins from the bone collagen of a dinosaur (some proteins escaped fossilization) to that of a chicken, thus proving that chickens evolved from dinosaurs, after all. Up until now the whole "birds from dinosaurs" hypothesis was mostly based on the appearance and the transitional forms; this offers DNA proof of the connection.

Of course you know what this means.

Dinosaurs taste like chicken.

Now, you may not know this, but I really want to start moving away from eating birds. I'm not completely opposed to them, but at this point my mild discomfort with their consumption is tempered by the fact that this school can't seem to cook fish right and if I don't eat chicken my anemia will come back and I will become pale and sickly and prone to dramatic fainting spells at inopportune times, or maybe I'll just have to start swallowing iron pills again.

Anyway, the issue with birds are that they're basically as evolved as mammals, just up a different lineage. They're about equally intelligent and all, so my only arguement is that they're not that closely related to me and the ones I eat-- chicken and domesticated turkey-- are pretty damn dumb. But now I won't eat octopus for their intelligence and chickens aren't that much dumber than cows so...

Back to the dinosaurs. Here's my theory. They're trying to find a way to reverse-engineer chicken DNA to create dinosaurs. Awesome, no? You know it's awesome. Don't lie. See, all we have to do is get two dinosaurs, a male and a female. Then we breed them. Then we raise their offspring for meat.

Think about it. Dinosaurs are lizards so I wouldn't mind eating them. Plus for everyone else, they're either the size of chickens or turkeys anyway, or they're MASSIVE. You serve a Neuquenraptor for Thanksgiving and you have leftovers for at least a week, even if you live in a house like mine where a 25-pound-turkey is gone in three days. You might need a bigger fridge though. Plus that drumstick would be MASSIVE, so the kiddies wouldn't fight over it, they'd kinda HAVE to share.

Plus, that's all healthy meat, right there. Lean, white. Good eatin's. You could raise them instead of cows and feed them eggs, which I don't mind eating anyway on account of they're basically chicken menstruation (Just doing my part to lower your cholesterol). And you know, you give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Give him a Utahraptor and some salt or refrigeration and he eats for like THREE MONTHS. Plus there's nothing in the Jewish or Biblical regulations against eating dinosaurs on account of them not being things that "crawl on the earth." Just can't cook them in milk.

Then you get the eggs, which would make killer omelettes; and you can raise like, a T-rex for meat and feed whole towns when he's killed. T-rex meat would be awesome. And then there's the ultimate factor, the thing I noticed in my Bio book while studying that prompted this whole line of thinking:

T-rexes have wishbones.

And I'm pretty sure that if you could find a way to BREAK a T-rex wishbone, and you got the bigger piece, you could wish for God himself to appear and perform a flamboyant musical number with Ernst Mayr, Isaac Asimov, Ayn Rand and Friedrich Nietzsche and not only would it happen, but it would be FABULOUS.


Anonymous said...

The T-Rex's pose in that last image reminds me of Dinosaur Comics, which should be required reading IMHO.

Basiorana said...

I LOVE Dinosaur comics!