"Of all the creepy gross fish-monsters on this planet, you are apparently the hottest."

Today was rough. Some heavy books about pirates fell off a top shelf and hit a little boy on the head, so there was much rushing about and getting of ice and getting of ice packs from the staff first aid kit which made a lot more sense. Bah.

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It took me half an hour to figure out that the toy in the picture at right is called a Water Wiggler (finding the picture took another ten minutes). I feature Water Wigglers today because they are one of the more interesting toys featured at the Discovery Channel store, and we have plastic balls filled with fake bloody eyeballs.

You may remember that I have a quest to mock modern toys. Alas, this is not really a modern toy. I used to love these things as a kid, because they're squishy and they slip out of your hands when you try to hold on to them. They're totally pointless. They do nothing. If a kid actually owned one instead of just playing with the ones in the store, they'd get bored of it post-haste.

I wouldn't have thought anything of them except that I happened to see a pink one end-on. I thought, Hmm, that looks kind of weird, but chalked it up to my gutterbrain and moved on. Then I saw someone put their hand into the middle and push it back and forth on their hand idly, and now, I can't look at the damn things without thinking that it's creepy that a children's toy resembles something I saw featured on Talk Sex (I was...flipping through channels...).

On the other hand, I'd buy my kid a Water Wiggler before I'd buy them a Bratz doll. No child would ever understand why it's weird. I'd probably also buy them a Water Wiggler before I bought them the fake bloody eyeball bag. Or the box of sticky dismembered body parts. You know, girl's toys are increasingly sexual, but boy's toys are just nasty.