The trouble with jobhunting is that I should have been doing it months ago.
Right now, there's plenty of jobs. BUT. None of them want to train me for a couple months then have me go back to school. All the summer positions-- amusement parks, ice cream stands, etc-- were filled back in April or earlier. Last year I lucked out with the Discovery Channel position, because they needed immediate help short term with their going out of business sales. This year I'm thinking about donating my body to science (more on that later).
I mean, there's a few summer positions. I could work at Vector Marketing selling crappy overpriced knives to people who don't want them. I could go door to door for global warming again (long story). Or I could work for an elderly gentleman doing household construction, except I can't lift 85 lb bags of cement, and the guy on the phone clearly didn't believe that I'm good at carpentry and landscaping (I am, being female doesn't mean I can't use tools and I do it around the house all the time).
But they all suck or won't take me. So I am left with two ways to make money: help my mother with chores around the house, which I will do-- I can mow the lawn or repaint the back porch easily, plus she won't be able to cook or clean once she gets her hip replacement on July 8th. Or volunteer for scientific studies.
Thus far I've found a couple promising studies. There's one where they'll put me under anesthesia (a common one, widely used already, not an experimental one) and study my brain in an MRI machine for $200 plus transportation costs. Then there's one where they'll make me keep a strict sleep schedule for 2 weeks, then have me come in and keep me awake for 24 hours then give me an FDA approved sleep medication to see if it works under those conditions. That'll be a bit trickier but it has the advantage of paying $725.
Then there's the one that looked really promising at first but I decided it wasn't worth it. They're testing an HIV vaccine, not to see if it works, just to see if there are any side effects. The only catch is that the vaccine, while it can't give me AIDS, WOULD give me the antibodies against HIV which are the most common thing doctors and blood banks use to see if you have HIV. So any time I was tested I would come up as HIV positive, unless they used special alternative tests.
Not so much.
Ah well. I want to do a sleep study where you go in for two weeks and live in the hospital getting studied and they give you like $2000 but I can't find any right now, and I would only do it if they let me talk to Ryter on a regular basis. That would be awesome, in two weeks I would make as much as I would normally make in a whole summer. We'll see, and I'll keep looking. In the meantime, the only thing jobhunting is hurting is my parent's wallet (they've agreed to give me gas money for jobhunting, and they pay the phone bill). And if anyone asks me why I didn't work this summer, well, my dear mother had to get a hip replacement, see, and I WOULD have worked, but I just HAD to take care of her in her time of need...
Yeah, that's the ticket.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Friday, June 27, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
And more....
Ryter's not online and not answering his phone or cellphone, and it' pouring outside so I can't go anywhere. So I guess I can't do anything but write more.
Part of the problem I have is I feel like everyone is really judgemental of my relationship with Ryter. Like, my family like him, btu they don't seem to like that I am dating him, or at least they didn't like it at one point. And Vivacia and that group don't even seem to LIKE him. So I feel like any time I complain about some minor problem we're experiencing, they're going to chalk it up as another strike against him. I want them to like him, and like us and want us to be together. That's what I want and what makes me happy-- to be with him. But they seem more concerned about stupid little details than if I'm happy.
Like my dad, who seems to take offense to the fact that Ryter is still being supported by his dad. Despite the fact that Ryter and his dad have a very different relationship than Daddy has with any of us, and Ryter's dad decided a while ago that Ryter should get a chance to just write for a year after school, to get a shot at doing what he loves for profit. Basically, Ryter's dad deciding to support him for a year and let him work as a writer is the EXACT SAME THING as Daddy trying to get Shrewd to go to grad school and offering to support her through it so she could get a shot at her dreams. The only difference is Daddy only supports dreams that he approves of, like getting Shrewd a master's in math so she can teach, and not getting her a master's in history like she wants. Ryter's dad wouldn't support Ryter if becoming a writer was a hopeless long shot but it's NOT, Ryter's work is better than most of the stuff you can find in Barnes' and Nobles and he's very dedicated to it. Ryter's dad has simply decided that Ryter can pursue his own dreams, instead of what his parents want for him. Daddy could learn from that, but he won't.
And my mom, who, lacking anything else to complain about, has decided she doesn't like that Ryter has health problems. Like that he needs medication to sleep and he has bipolar disorder and anxiety issues. Because she's concerned that that would mean our children would be unhealthy. Of course, by that logic, she should be sabotaging any chance of romance that Shrewd ever has, because Shrewd's got a few health issues that can be passed genetically. Or even my own, because hey, I have unipolar depression and knee problems and a tendency towards obesity and a 50% chance that a kid of mine will have polycystic ovarian syndrome and will be infertile. For some reason she (and my grandmother too) seem to think that I should be choosing a guy based on their health. What they don't understand is that a) Ryter is far more emotionally stable than EITHER of them, my dad, my sister, OR me, despite his diagnoses; b) I can't sleep without meds half the time too; c) He is managing his health issues and mental issues and handles anything new as it comes up, so there won't be any nasty surprises; d) My daughters will have unipolar depression no matter WHAT because all the women in my family have it and I'd much rather raise them with a guy like Ryter who is supportive of mental healthcare, knows what warning signs to look for, and would help a kid get help early enough so that my children can be as stable and successful as him instead of emotional wrecks like my mom.
One of the reasons I left my last therapist was at one point I was really stressed out. Ryter was really sick and upset and needed me a great deal and I got kind of scared, I had this panic moment where I thought I needed to get out of the relationship. I get these all the time when I am with people, they are a problem with ME and not with the people I am with. It's because I can't trust people very easily, and this was before I was as close with Ryter as I am now. Anyway, I expressed both this "excape" feeling and that I also was feeling like I couldn't leave him because he needed me too much to my therapist and her immediate reaction was "get out now." She didn't try to figure out WHY I might be having this reaction, or have me talk to him or anything, she jsut told me to get out. I am SO glad I ignored that advice.
Ryter is a great guy. I know what issues my friends deal with with their S/Os and I have none of them. When I am upset, Ryter has NEVER brushed me off. He's always right there for me. When I need comfort, he's quick to provide. He gies me advice when I need it and doesn't when I don't; he rarely talks down to me and when he does, he realizes it and apologizes. He respects me, loves me, and treats me like I want to be treated. He's never hit me or verbally abused me; even if he says something as a joke he's quick to apologize after if he thinks it upset me. I look at the relationships my friends have had and I think, wow, I have it made. And yet my family and friends all seem to focus on whatever negatives they can find. He's too "metal" looking, he listens to the wrong kind of music, he needs to shave, he calls me too often and shouldn't need to talk to me every day (All of which are positives in my eyes. I love his beard and his music and his clothes and talking to him every evening). He needs to become independent of his dad, he has health problems (neither of which are hard to deal with and both of which he is working on, and the mental health issues are minor compared to your average American's issues). Once, just once, I want someone to meet him and see us together and say, wow, he seems like such a great guy, you guys are so cute together, I hope you last forever. But the only people who say that are his friends and family, never mine. And they wonder why I am drifting away from them.
I found the guy who is perfect for me. We work well together, we complement each other. We have a wonderful relationship, despite the ups and downs around us, and we're both so committed to making it work that I think we can weather anything. I will NEVER find a better guy for me than him. Such a guy simply does not exist, or if he does he's probably dating some movie star or millionaire's daughter. I love him and he loves me. Do we have issues? Sure. But I'd rather have our issues than anyone else's.
And all of this I could handle except for one thing-- the lack of approval from my family and friends is putting a strain on our relationship. It bothers both of us that I can't get anyone's approval and what's more, it bothers Ryter that I won't stand up to my parents and that I feel like I need their approval at all. But is it too much to ask that my family likes my boyfriend? Is it too much to ask that they want me to be with someone simply because it makes ME happy, not because he's someone THEY pictured me with?
And now I am put in an unfortunate position, because there is something they do not seem to understand-- if they force me to chose, I will chose him. I want them to care about me, and about him, and I want to stay close to them. But if I have to chose between my family and Ryter, Ryter comes first. I will sever all ties to them if that's what it takes to be with Ryter. But I really, really don't want to have to do that.
Part of the problem I have is I feel like everyone is really judgemental of my relationship with Ryter. Like, my family like him, btu they don't seem to like that I am dating him, or at least they didn't like it at one point. And Vivacia and that group don't even seem to LIKE him. So I feel like any time I complain about some minor problem we're experiencing, they're going to chalk it up as another strike against him. I want them to like him, and like us and want us to be together. That's what I want and what makes me happy-- to be with him. But they seem more concerned about stupid little details than if I'm happy.
Like my dad, who seems to take offense to the fact that Ryter is still being supported by his dad. Despite the fact that Ryter and his dad have a very different relationship than Daddy has with any of us, and Ryter's dad decided a while ago that Ryter should get a chance to just write for a year after school, to get a shot at doing what he loves for profit. Basically, Ryter's dad deciding to support him for a year and let him work as a writer is the EXACT SAME THING as Daddy trying to get Shrewd to go to grad school and offering to support her through it so she could get a shot at her dreams. The only difference is Daddy only supports dreams that he approves of, like getting Shrewd a master's in math so she can teach, and not getting her a master's in history like she wants. Ryter's dad wouldn't support Ryter if becoming a writer was a hopeless long shot but it's NOT, Ryter's work is better than most of the stuff you can find in Barnes' and Nobles and he's very dedicated to it. Ryter's dad has simply decided that Ryter can pursue his own dreams, instead of what his parents want for him. Daddy could learn from that, but he won't.
And my mom, who, lacking anything else to complain about, has decided she doesn't like that Ryter has health problems. Like that he needs medication to sleep and he has bipolar disorder and anxiety issues. Because she's concerned that that would mean our children would be unhealthy. Of course, by that logic, she should be sabotaging any chance of romance that Shrewd ever has, because Shrewd's got a few health issues that can be passed genetically. Or even my own, because hey, I have unipolar depression and knee problems and a tendency towards obesity and a 50% chance that a kid of mine will have polycystic ovarian syndrome and will be infertile. For some reason she (and my grandmother too) seem to think that I should be choosing a guy based on their health. What they don't understand is that a) Ryter is far more emotionally stable than EITHER of them, my dad, my sister, OR me, despite his diagnoses; b) I can't sleep without meds half the time too; c) He is managing his health issues and mental issues and handles anything new as it comes up, so there won't be any nasty surprises; d) My daughters will have unipolar depression no matter WHAT because all the women in my family have it and I'd much rather raise them with a guy like Ryter who is supportive of mental healthcare, knows what warning signs to look for, and would help a kid get help early enough so that my children can be as stable and successful as him instead of emotional wrecks like my mom.
One of the reasons I left my last therapist was at one point I was really stressed out. Ryter was really sick and upset and needed me a great deal and I got kind of scared, I had this panic moment where I thought I needed to get out of the relationship. I get these all the time when I am with people, they are a problem with ME and not with the people I am with. It's because I can't trust people very easily, and this was before I was as close with Ryter as I am now. Anyway, I expressed both this "excape" feeling and that I also was feeling like I couldn't leave him because he needed me too much to my therapist and her immediate reaction was "get out now." She didn't try to figure out WHY I might be having this reaction, or have me talk to him or anything, she jsut told me to get out. I am SO glad I ignored that advice.
Ryter is a great guy. I know what issues my friends deal with with their S/Os and I have none of them. When I am upset, Ryter has NEVER brushed me off. He's always right there for me. When I need comfort, he's quick to provide. He gies me advice when I need it and doesn't when I don't; he rarely talks down to me and when he does, he realizes it and apologizes. He respects me, loves me, and treats me like I want to be treated. He's never hit me or verbally abused me; even if he says something as a joke he's quick to apologize after if he thinks it upset me. I look at the relationships my friends have had and I think, wow, I have it made. And yet my family and friends all seem to focus on whatever negatives they can find. He's too "metal" looking, he listens to the wrong kind of music, he needs to shave, he calls me too often and shouldn't need to talk to me every day (All of which are positives in my eyes. I love his beard and his music and his clothes and talking to him every evening). He needs to become independent of his dad, he has health problems (neither of which are hard to deal with and both of which he is working on, and the mental health issues are minor compared to your average American's issues). Once, just once, I want someone to meet him and see us together and say, wow, he seems like such a great guy, you guys are so cute together, I hope you last forever. But the only people who say that are his friends and family, never mine. And they wonder why I am drifting away from them.
I found the guy who is perfect for me. We work well together, we complement each other. We have a wonderful relationship, despite the ups and downs around us, and we're both so committed to making it work that I think we can weather anything. I will NEVER find a better guy for me than him. Such a guy simply does not exist, or if he does he's probably dating some movie star or millionaire's daughter. I love him and he loves me. Do we have issues? Sure. But I'd rather have our issues than anyone else's.
And all of this I could handle except for one thing-- the lack of approval from my family and friends is putting a strain on our relationship. It bothers both of us that I can't get anyone's approval and what's more, it bothers Ryter that I won't stand up to my parents and that I feel like I need their approval at all. But is it too much to ask that my family likes my boyfriend? Is it too much to ask that they want me to be with someone simply because it makes ME happy, not because he's someone THEY pictured me with?
And now I am put in an unfortunate position, because there is something they do not seem to understand-- if they force me to chose, I will chose him. I want them to care about me, and about him, and I want to stay close to them. But if I have to chose between my family and Ryter, Ryter comes first. I will sever all ties to them if that's what it takes to be with Ryter. But I really, really don't want to have to do that.
Hello again.
The trouble with relationships, at least real relationships, is that when one person gets upset, the other person gets upset.
Ryter's been having a rough time lately. His dad's worried about his job, plus he's remarrying so that's more expenses, and the fact that Ryter is still dependent is becoming a problem. This means Ryter needs to get a "real" job, ie, he needs to get a counseling job that will pay his bills. He won't be independent for a little while, but it will help out his dad. Unfortunately, this is coinciding with Ryter's own need to first of all finish the piece he's currently working on, which is very personal and very important to his understanding of both writing and of himself, and which is also something that is amazingly good and very marketable, so it's something he could make money off of. He's trying to finish it and write up his resume at the same time.
Meanwhile he's only recently (month or so ago) moved to his new place in Portsmouth, which is a great place but has a few issues (fridge randomly freezes things, bathroom drain doesn't work, toilet won't flush quite right, kitchen sink sprays you-- minor things; plus Loquelo still has a lot of Nonaestima's stuff, including her kitchen table). And his new roommate Nonaestima has just gotten back from Italy like... a week or so ago, and she recently had surgery so she can't lift anything heavy or stand very long so he's pretty much on his own dealing with the household issues AND helping her out.
Then to make matters worse, he's been trying to help me out. Because at this point I don't have any confidantes but him. I have a new therapist I'm just getting to know, since the old one wasn't working out. The psychiatric nurse is handling my meds and she's fine, but the therapist I'm not sure about yet, I've had a few red flags from her. Meanwhile I can't talk to or confide in my family. My mom can't handle my stress right now. She's getting her hip replaced (bone necrosis) on July 8th and I know she's scared and stressed out but she won't talk about it. Shrewd, meanwhile, has no job for the summer, no income, a potentially increasing rent on the house she's sharing with a couple people and has been forced to cut back on luxuries like food.
And I haven't heard from Vivacia in forever, and she's never really wanted to hear about my problems anyway. Especially not my problems of late. And Libentra and I were getting closer but we're not near confidante level and I don't really talk to her in the summer anyway.
So it's Ryter. He and his friends have become my sole social circle, and he has become the person I come to when I am hurt or sad or upset. Except that sometimes I am hurt or sad or upset about something with us or with him-- and then I keep it inside, or at least I did, until this weekend when I exploded disastrously and made his life a million times worse.
And he told me, trying to comfort me as I worried aloud about how he didn't need this right now, how he LIKED doing this, how this was what he wanted to do for a living, and don't worry, it was okay to confide in him and it might make him feel better. Except it didn't make him feel better to help me because my problems were with him.
They weren't BIG problems. They were minor complaints, blips in our relationship. But he's already stressed out and depressed and moody and to be told that even a small part of my recent misery was due to his actions was not good.
I want to support him. I want to be there for him. I want to be able to put him first, which I think is what he wants, he wants it to be all about him for just a little while instead of always being about me or Loquelo or Nonaestima. But he won't confide in me because he's worried about making my situation worse. And he doesn't want comfort or support, he wants to be left alone to write. So what can I do but leave him alone? But if I leave him alone, he worries about me and that's no good either.
I should be there. I should be living with him this summer, working in Portsmouth where there actually are jobs instead of here where I can't find employment at all and I'm trapped in my house. That way he could write and not worry about entertaining me, because I would be living there and should be able to entertain myself. That way I could help him with the rent once I had a job and I could help with Nonaestima's recovery and their household issues. And I wouldn't be paying $20 in gas each time I go to see him; instead I could visit my family once a month or so, if that. I have little desire to spend time with my family right now, as much as I know they need my help with Mummy getting the surgery.
I should be going to his gym that's within walking distance instead of forgetting to go to the one here that's a 20 minute drive. I should be there for him without him having to ask for me or adhere to my schedule of weekends with him, weekdays spent futilely jobhunting or doing odd jobs for cash.
But I can't stand up to my parents, so instead I am stuck here at home, and Ryter is miserable, I am miserable, and I don't know what to do about it.
Summer sucks.
Ryter's been having a rough time lately. His dad's worried about his job, plus he's remarrying so that's more expenses, and the fact that Ryter is still dependent is becoming a problem. This means Ryter needs to get a "real" job, ie, he needs to get a counseling job that will pay his bills. He won't be independent for a little while, but it will help out his dad. Unfortunately, this is coinciding with Ryter's own need to first of all finish the piece he's currently working on, which is very personal and very important to his understanding of both writing and of himself, and which is also something that is amazingly good and very marketable, so it's something he could make money off of. He's trying to finish it and write up his resume at the same time.
Meanwhile he's only recently (month or so ago) moved to his new place in Portsmouth, which is a great place but has a few issues (fridge randomly freezes things, bathroom drain doesn't work, toilet won't flush quite right, kitchen sink sprays you-- minor things; plus Loquelo still has a lot of Nonaestima's stuff, including her kitchen table). And his new roommate Nonaestima has just gotten back from Italy like... a week or so ago, and she recently had surgery so she can't lift anything heavy or stand very long so he's pretty much on his own dealing with the household issues AND helping her out.
Then to make matters worse, he's been trying to help me out. Because at this point I don't have any confidantes but him. I have a new therapist I'm just getting to know, since the old one wasn't working out. The psychiatric nurse is handling my meds and she's fine, but the therapist I'm not sure about yet, I've had a few red flags from her. Meanwhile I can't talk to or confide in my family. My mom can't handle my stress right now. She's getting her hip replaced (bone necrosis) on July 8th and I know she's scared and stressed out but she won't talk about it. Shrewd, meanwhile, has no job for the summer, no income, a potentially increasing rent on the house she's sharing with a couple people and has been forced to cut back on luxuries like food.
And I haven't heard from Vivacia in forever, and she's never really wanted to hear about my problems anyway. Especially not my problems of late. And Libentra and I were getting closer but we're not near confidante level and I don't really talk to her in the summer anyway.
So it's Ryter. He and his friends have become my sole social circle, and he has become the person I come to when I am hurt or sad or upset. Except that sometimes I am hurt or sad or upset about something with us or with him-- and then I keep it inside, or at least I did, until this weekend when I exploded disastrously and made his life a million times worse.
And he told me, trying to comfort me as I worried aloud about how he didn't need this right now, how he LIKED doing this, how this was what he wanted to do for a living, and don't worry, it was okay to confide in him and it might make him feel better. Except it didn't make him feel better to help me because my problems were with him.
They weren't BIG problems. They were minor complaints, blips in our relationship. But he's already stressed out and depressed and moody and to be told that even a small part of my recent misery was due to his actions was not good.
I want to support him. I want to be there for him. I want to be able to put him first, which I think is what he wants, he wants it to be all about him for just a little while instead of always being about me or Loquelo or Nonaestima. But he won't confide in me because he's worried about making my situation worse. And he doesn't want comfort or support, he wants to be left alone to write. So what can I do but leave him alone? But if I leave him alone, he worries about me and that's no good either.
I should be there. I should be living with him this summer, working in Portsmouth where there actually are jobs instead of here where I can't find employment at all and I'm trapped in my house. That way he could write and not worry about entertaining me, because I would be living there and should be able to entertain myself. That way I could help him with the rent once I had a job and I could help with Nonaestima's recovery and their household issues. And I wouldn't be paying $20 in gas each time I go to see him; instead I could visit my family once a month or so, if that. I have little desire to spend time with my family right now, as much as I know they need my help with Mummy getting the surgery.
I should be going to his gym that's within walking distance instead of forgetting to go to the one here that's a 20 minute drive. I should be there for him without him having to ask for me or adhere to my schedule of weekends with him, weekdays spent futilely jobhunting or doing odd jobs for cash.
But I can't stand up to my parents, so instead I am stuck here at home, and Ryter is miserable, I am miserable, and I don't know what to do about it.
Summer sucks.
Friday, January 4, 2008
My life is a never-ending parade of cleaning supplies and computers
Grades came in the other day.
Latin, A; obviously. Ecology, Biostats and Orgo Lab, all Bs. And then, the C in Organic-- but you know, I passed, and I can continue. And I won't let it get to me. No matter how irritated my dad is.
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My grandmother is still up; this means I am sleeping on the couch downstairs on weekends and cleaning the house pretty much nonstop. Between cleaning, promises to help people move/unpack/pack up their room/etc, and assorted parties, plus the primary next week (I have to go to Durham, that's where I'm registered), I won't have time to sit and breathe for a week. I'm already struggling to find time to see Bisobrina, who had a mental breakdown and was hospitalized and is now at home recovering; I also want to go see Vivacia sometime soon, to give her my Christmas gift to her, give her mother a bag of romance novels that is sitting in my car, and hopefully sit and talk for a while. You know, relax, the thing I'm supposed to be doing on vacation?
I really wish I could spend more time with Vivacia. It bugs me that we don't see each other as much. But the trouble is, Ryter's available online from 9 AM to 10 PM with very few times away from his computer; planning stuff with him is beyond easy, and most of the time when we get together it was his idea. Vivacia, to compare, has a very busy life and spends a small to moderate amount of time on AIM, usually while studying. And I am phenomenally lazy, so the extra effort to track her down and find a common time, or even just keep calling her until I find a time when she's able to pick up the phone, tends not to get done. I guess I'm a bad friend for that. But you know, I've always been an introvert; I've always needed other people to plan things and get me out of my hole.
I should call her tomorrow.
Latin, A; obviously. Ecology, Biostats and Orgo Lab, all Bs. And then, the C in Organic-- but you know, I passed, and I can continue. And I won't let it get to me. No matter how irritated my dad is.
My grandmother is still up; this means I am sleeping on the couch downstairs on weekends and cleaning the house pretty much nonstop. Between cleaning, promises to help people move/unpack/pack up their room/etc, and assorted parties, plus the primary next week (I have to go to Durham, that's where I'm registered), I won't have time to sit and breathe for a week. I'm already struggling to find time to see Bisobrina, who had a mental breakdown and was hospitalized and is now at home recovering; I also want to go see Vivacia sometime soon, to give her my Christmas gift to her, give her mother a bag of romance novels that is sitting in my car, and hopefully sit and talk for a while. You know, relax, the thing I'm supposed to be doing on vacation?
I really wish I could spend more time with Vivacia. It bugs me that we don't see each other as much. But the trouble is, Ryter's available online from 9 AM to 10 PM with very few times away from his computer; planning stuff with him is beyond easy, and most of the time when we get together it was his idea. Vivacia, to compare, has a very busy life and spends a small to moderate amount of time on AIM, usually while studying. And I am phenomenally lazy, so the extra effort to track her down and find a common time, or even just keep calling her until I find a time when she's able to pick up the phone, tends not to get done. I guess I'm a bad friend for that. But you know, I've always been an introvert; I've always needed other people to plan things and get me out of my hole.
I should call her tomorrow.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Christmas Week, Part 3
Okay, sorry, I wanted to finish before but between being busy and various parties... oh well.
WEDNESDAY: The family Christmas party, with my grandfather, aunt, uncle, cousins, cousin's boyfriend and this year, my brother's girlfriend. It was good fun, as always; we had hot apple cider by the fire and we mingled for a while before opening presents and then playing a few games-- like "pass the package" where the person who answers a Christmas trivia question takes off one layer of wrapping paper from a gift, and the one that finds the final present gets to keep it (I lost).
Then there was the search for the pickle ornament, with a prize for the winner. My cousin won, after much frantic pawing through the tree.
And the Yankee Swap, where we passed around a box and each person took one wrapped gift, and either unwrapped it or exchanged it for an already unwrapped gift. The little bottles of alcohol were very popular, but alas, my mom's gotten increasingly bad at picking desirable non-alcoholic gifts as time goes on, and I wasn't allowed to trade for the alcohol, obviously. End result, I got tissues, which I afterwards gave to Shrewd, who had a cold. My older cousin got the risque tissues, which said "Jingle My Bells" with crotch shots of elves. My mom swears it was an accident...
Then we mostly sat around and talked again until they left and we started to clean up.
THURSDAY: I went to see Ryter, as I had promised to go down with him to help him unpack his mother's apartment (she apparently moved in three years ago and never unpacked). He's been avoiding seeing her one-on-one lately. So I drove all the way back to Durham, met up with Ryter, we got in the car and started to drive-- and got a phone call from her, saying she had forgotten she had an appointment that day and could we reschedule. Grrrr...
So we drove back, and before I could drive home or anything it started to snow. So I spent the night. Which was okay, but... bah. His mom can be vexing at times.
FRIDAY: I drove back early in the morning because my grandmother was coming up in the evening. My grandmother, while a very nice woman, has a tendency to pick fights without realizing she is doing so... especially with my sister. So I came home, slept on the couch for the weekend and tried not to get entangled in arguments. We also opened presents, and thus ended Christmas.
The weekend was mostly spent hiding in my room, but on Monday I drove to see Ryter for New Year's Eve. WE didn't do much on the Eve, just hung out and kept each other up until midnight, toasted, and went to bed. New Year's Day I was supposed to go down to Mass and see family for a big brunch, but the snow was too heavy, so instead we just got ready for his New Year's Party, which was tiki-themed and had a surprising number of the invites show up despite the weather. The only one who didn't was his former Japanese professor. That was fun.
I wound up spending the night again because it was so late when everyone left. Then today we cleaned up after the party before I headed back here.
On the plus side, I cleaned his shower during our preparations. I burned my lungs on the bleach, but the weird scunge is gone. That made me very happy.
WEDNESDAY: The family Christmas party, with my grandfather, aunt, uncle, cousins, cousin's boyfriend and this year, my brother's girlfriend. It was good fun, as always; we had hot apple cider by the fire and we mingled for a while before opening presents and then playing a few games-- like "pass the package" where the person who answers a Christmas trivia question takes off one layer of wrapping paper from a gift, and the one that finds the final present gets to keep it (I lost).
Then there was the search for the pickle ornament, with a prize for the winner. My cousin won, after much frantic pawing through the tree.
And the Yankee Swap, where we passed around a box and each person took one wrapped gift, and either unwrapped it or exchanged it for an already unwrapped gift. The little bottles of alcohol were very popular, but alas, my mom's gotten increasingly bad at picking desirable non-alcoholic gifts as time goes on, and I wasn't allowed to trade for the alcohol, obviously. End result, I got tissues, which I afterwards gave to Shrewd, who had a cold. My older cousin got the risque tissues, which said "Jingle My Bells" with crotch shots of elves. My mom swears it was an accident...
Then we mostly sat around and talked again until they left and we started to clean up.
THURSDAY: I went to see Ryter, as I had promised to go down with him to help him unpack his mother's apartment (she apparently moved in three years ago and never unpacked). He's been avoiding seeing her one-on-one lately. So I drove all the way back to Durham, met up with Ryter, we got in the car and started to drive-- and got a phone call from her, saying she had forgotten she had an appointment that day and could we reschedule. Grrrr...
So we drove back, and before I could drive home or anything it started to snow. So I spent the night. Which was okay, but... bah. His mom can be vexing at times.
FRIDAY: I drove back early in the morning because my grandmother was coming up in the evening. My grandmother, while a very nice woman, has a tendency to pick fights without realizing she is doing so... especially with my sister. So I came home, slept on the couch for the weekend and tried not to get entangled in arguments. We also opened presents, and thus ended Christmas.
The weekend was mostly spent hiding in my room, but on Monday I drove to see Ryter for New Year's Eve. WE didn't do much on the Eve, just hung out and kept each other up until midnight, toasted, and went to bed. New Year's Day I was supposed to go down to Mass and see family for a big brunch, but the snow was too heavy, so instead we just got ready for his New Year's Party, which was tiki-themed and had a surprising number of the invites show up despite the weather. The only one who didn't was his former Japanese professor. That was fun.
I wound up spending the night again because it was so late when everyone left. Then today we cleaned up after the party before I headed back here.
On the plus side, I cleaned his shower during our preparations. I burned my lungs on the bleach, but the weird scunge is gone. That made me very happy.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Part 2, Christmas Week
The Christmas tale continues. Here's the first installment.
TUESDAY: Christmas, of course! We woke up at 9 and moseyed downstairs once my mom had passed us. We don't do Santa much anymore, as the Brother is going to be eighteen in a few weeks. My mom does fill the stockings with little gifts, though, like wind-up toys and Christmas candy (Daddy fills her stocking with Lindt chocolates and scented soaps). Inexpensive fun things. This year was kind of lame because Daddy was down watching TV when we woke up, and then we sat around waiting while my mom put breakfast in the oven and they watched MORE TV- and not even something Christmasy, they were watching a robot movie. Grr. But they stopped when Mummy and I finished making breakfast and we opened the stocking gifts, all wrapped in tissue paper. Then, as breakfast cooked, we started the other family presents-- I gave my sister a scarf, my brother a book about numbers, my dad a bottle of special olive oil and my mom a little cosmetic bag for her purse (she needed one, her old one broke) and an organic candy bar.
My parents gave me lots of stuff-- this is what they do instead of buying me stuff I need or want at other times. So I got a Leatherman tool, and plush microbes from ThinkGeek (syphilis, malaria and mono), and Age of Mythology for my computer because I am a myth geek and have wanted it for years but couldn't afford it. And I finally got a new hair dryer to replace the one that broke. Shrewd's making me a scarf but she's been sick and couldn't finish it in time. I don't mind, though. The Brother gave Daddy a collection of Agatha Christie movies, including The Man in the Brown Suit, which is a movie that Daddy taped off the TV years ago, but which was then accidentally taped over by Shrewd. Daddy loved it and was disappointed as hell. He was thrilled, as was Shrewd, who is FINALLY out of the doghouse.
Soon breakfast was done. Christmas breakfast for us is almost as big as dinner. The traditional family Christmas breakfast is an egg casserole (part veggie and sausage, part sausage only, part veggie only), cinnamon rolls hot from the oven, homemade tea breads and fresh-squeezed orange juice. We finished presents after breakfast, then cleaned up the wrapping paper so that the house would be ready when Ryter arrived.
Ryter came soon after, and we talked and helped with dinner until it was time to eat. Dinner was tenderloin with peppercorn sauce and stuffed scrod with Newburg sauce; sweet potatoes, my mother's famous cloverleaf rolls, peas, broccoli, shrimp cocktail, sweet baby carrots and probably something else I forgot. It was wonderful, as my mom's cooking always is, even without the traditional popovers Shrewd usually makes (she was too sick to handle food safely).
Ryter opened my gift and I opened his; I gave him a T-shirt of Emperor Constantine Paleologos and he gave me a collection of Phillip K. Dick novels. My parents also gave him some maps of the White Mountains for hiking in the spring, and he gave Daddy a bottle of rum, for general over-21 consumption. The Brother and Daddy played with their new mini RC helicopters.
After we cleaned up from dinner we played Trivial Pursuit (Daddy and Mummy against the Brother, myself, and Ryter) and my team lost miserably. They got lots of easy questions. We had pie and cheesecake for desert and split up, Shrewd playing with her brand new laptop (boy did she need it), the Brother and Daddy playing Scrabble and Mummy setting up her new vacuum cleaner from my grandmother, while Ryter and I hung out, watched some Bones, and then said our good nights.
It was a marvelous Christmas all around.
TUESDAY: Christmas, of course! We woke up at 9 and moseyed downstairs once my mom had passed us. We don't do Santa much anymore, as the Brother is going to be eighteen in a few weeks. My mom does fill the stockings with little gifts, though, like wind-up toys and Christmas candy (Daddy fills her stocking with Lindt chocolates and scented soaps). Inexpensive fun things. This year was kind of lame because Daddy was down watching TV when we woke up, and then we sat around waiting while my mom put breakfast in the oven and they watched MORE TV- and not even something Christmasy, they were watching a robot movie. Grr. But they stopped when Mummy and I finished making breakfast and we opened the stocking gifts, all wrapped in tissue paper. Then, as breakfast cooked, we started the other family presents-- I gave my sister a scarf, my brother a book about numbers, my dad a bottle of special olive oil and my mom a little cosmetic bag for her purse (she needed one, her old one broke) and an organic candy bar. 
My parents gave me lots of stuff-- this is what they do instead of buying me stuff I need or want at other times. So I got a Leatherman tool, and plush microbes from ThinkGeek (syphilis, malaria and mono), and Age of Mythology for my computer because I am a myth geek and have wanted it for years but couldn't afford it. And I finally got a new hair dryer to replace the one that broke. Shrewd's making me a scarf but she's been sick and couldn't finish it in time. I don't mind, though. The Brother gave Daddy a collection of Agatha Christie movies, including The Man in the Brown Suit, which is a movie that Daddy taped off the TV years ago, but which was then accidentally taped over by Shrewd. Daddy loved it and was disappointed as hell. He was thrilled, as was Shrewd, who is FINALLY out of the doghouse.Soon breakfast was done. Christmas breakfast for us is almost as big as dinner. The traditional family Christmas breakfast is an egg casserole (part veggie and sausage, part sausage only, part veggie only), cinnamon rolls hot from the oven, homemade tea breads and fresh-squeezed orange juice. We finished presents after breakfast, then cleaned up the wrapping paper so that the house would be ready when Ryter arrived.
Ryter came soon after, and we talked and helped with dinner until it was time to eat. Dinner was tenderloin with peppercorn sauce and stuffed scrod with Newburg sauce; sweet potatoes, my mother's famous cloverleaf rolls, peas, broccoli, shrimp cocktail, sweet baby carrots and probably something else I forgot. It was wonderful, as my mom's cooking always is, even without the traditional popovers Shrewd usually makes (she was too sick to handle food safely). Ryter opened my gift and I opened his; I gave him a T-shirt of Emperor Constantine Paleologos and he gave me a collection of Phillip K. Dick novels. My parents also gave him some maps of the White Mountains for hiking in the spring, and he gave Daddy a bottle of rum, for general over-21 consumption. The Brother and Daddy played with their new mini RC helicopters.
After we cleaned up from dinner we played Trivial Pursuit (Daddy and Mummy against the Brother, myself, and Ryter) and my team lost miserably. They got lots of easy questions. We had pie and cheesecake for desert and split up, Shrewd playing with her brand new laptop (boy did she need it), the Brother and Daddy playing Scrabble and Mummy setting up her new vacuum cleaner from my grandmother, while Ryter and I hung out, watched some Bones, and then said our good nights.
It was a marvelous Christmas all around.
Part 1, Christmas Week
So there is a good reason why I didn't write a blog entry the past couple days. My dad "fixed" the wireless connection, so it went from working fine to not working at all for a few days.
So Christmas has come and gone. Well, almost. Christmas is being spread out over six days for me this year. This will take a couple posts.
SUNDAY: Ryter's family party. It was cool. We went down to his grandmother's house and exchanged gifts and sat around and talked. I met his favorite cousin, who is very cool, and stood around feeling awkward most of the time. By the end I was exhausted and ready to go well before Ryter was, but I waited until he was ready to go anyway, because he doesn't get to see his cousin very much.
I also almost got into a politics fight at dinner before I remembered The Rules of Discussion at Social Events: No politics, no sex, no religion. Oops. But I backed out. It's just hard not to get riled when someone's talking about Huckabee taking over the US government. I'm pretty sure I would arrange to do med school in Canada, if degree transfers would work.
MONDAY: Christmas Eve. We cleaned the house and cooked what we could of Christmas dinner, then got a massive quantity of Chinese food, as is tradition. See, my great-uncle was an insurance salesman, and he believed that a good salesman buys from his customers. So on Christmas Eve he would visit every Chinese restaurant he insured and buy food from each. Thus, mountains of food. My dad's carrying on the tradition, with only one restaurant as the others in this town suck.
To be continued...
So Christmas has come and gone. Well, almost. Christmas is being spread out over six days for me this year. This will take a couple posts.
SUNDAY: Ryter's family party. It was cool. We went down to his grandmother's house and exchanged gifts and sat around and talked. I met his favorite cousin, who is very cool, and stood around feeling awkward most of the time. By the end I was exhausted and ready to go well before Ryter was, but I waited until he was ready to go anyway, because he doesn't get to see his cousin very much.I also almost got into a politics fight at dinner before I remembered The Rules of Discussion at Social Events: No politics, no sex, no religion. Oops. But I backed out. It's just hard not to get riled when someone's talking about Huckabee taking over the US government. I'm pretty sure I would arrange to do med school in Canada, if degree transfers would work.
MONDAY: Christmas Eve. We cleaned the house and cooked what we could of Christmas dinner, then got a massive quantity of Chinese food, as is tradition. See, my great-uncle was an insurance salesman, and he believed that a good salesman buys from his customers. So on Christmas Eve he would visit every Chinese restaurant he insured and buy food from each. Thus, mountains of food. My dad's carrying on the tradition, with only one restaurant as the others in this town suck.
To be continued...
Sunday, December 23, 2007
I return.
*Enormous sigh*
Well, it's over. I had my last exam yesterday and I am now at home, helping my mother clean the house. Supposedly it was to be a family affair but Shrewd spent the morning knitting and watching TV with Daddy while the Brother helped by cleaning up his own Legos and robot stuff, which was everywhere. Daddy started the kitchen, went and sat back down to watch TV, Mummy went out and I cleaned a good portion of the downstairs all by myself before Daddy and Shrewd wandered in and asked what they should do... bah.
So yeah, "Welcome home! Now clean the house." And it was pretty bad, too. Mummy and the Brother have been busy and Daddy won't clean unless we make him; Shrewd just recently got home as well. We're talking like mail stacked in every corner of the kitchen and all on the dining room table, robot stuff everywhere, school projects and college applications scattered about... Not to mention the piles of laundry, mostly Shrewd's and dish towels but my small basket as well. It wasn't like, pick up a few things and vacuum.
Plus when I got back my mother had not yet assembled the Christmas village. When I asked why not she said "Well, I had to paint the living room the first two weekends and then it didn't seem worth it for only a few weeks, and your dad didn't want it there because he's been talking about getting a flat screen TV..."
My dad already spends pretty much every hour of the evening parked in front of the TV doing nothing. He only reads if there's nothing on. Now he wants a flat screen despite the fact he has a perfectly good, LARGE TV he only got a few years ago? Bah.
Anyway, she agreed to put it up with my help, so after the house was cleaned we assembled the village. Then after dinner we watched The Nun's Story and then I went and wrapped presents for my dad, who claims he is incapable of doing so properly.
Tomorrow I go to Ryter's family Christmas party; I'll also hopefully get a chance to talk about the Hanukkah festivities as well...
Well, it's over. I had my last exam yesterday and I am now at home, helping my mother clean the house. Supposedly it was to be a family affair but Shrewd spent the morning knitting and watching TV with Daddy while the Brother helped by cleaning up his own Legos and robot stuff, which was everywhere. Daddy started the kitchen, went and sat back down to watch TV, Mummy went out and I cleaned a good portion of the downstairs all by myself before Daddy and Shrewd wandered in and asked what they should do... bah.
So yeah, "Welcome home! Now clean the house." And it was pretty bad, too. Mummy and the Brother have been busy and Daddy won't clean unless we make him; Shrewd just recently got home as well. We're talking like mail stacked in every corner of the kitchen and all on the dining room table, robot stuff everywhere, school projects and college applications scattered about... Not to mention the piles of laundry, mostly Shrewd's and dish towels but my small basket as well. It wasn't like, pick up a few things and vacuum.
Plus when I got back my mother had not yet assembled the Christmas village. When I asked why not she said "Well, I had to paint the living room the first two weekends and then it didn't seem worth it for only a few weeks, and your dad didn't want it there because he's been talking about getting a flat screen TV..."
My dad already spends pretty much every hour of the evening parked in front of the TV doing nothing. He only reads if there's nothing on. Now he wants a flat screen despite the fact he has a perfectly good, LARGE TV he only got a few years ago? Bah.
Anyway, she agreed to put it up with my help, so after the house was cleaned we assembled the village. Then after dinner we watched The Nun's Story and then I went and wrapped presents for my dad, who claims he is incapable of doing so properly.
Tomorrow I go to Ryter's family Christmas party; I'll also hopefully get a chance to talk about the Hanukkah festivities as well...
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Cultural Survival
Today is the feast of Bona Dea, the goddess of fertility, healing, virginity, and women. She's also known as Fauna, for her father, the goat-legged Faunus (Greek name Pan). She was especially popular with lower-class citizens, slaves, and women, who would pray to her for healing or fertility. She was also the patron of freedom from slavery, hence the popularity with slaves.
Her festival was celebrated with secret rites held in the home of a prominent Roman magistrate. Only women were allowed, so I guess the magistrate himself was kicked out, and his wife ran the show (with the Vestal Virgins' assistance). You couldn't even have a male animal or a picture of a man with you. The words "wine" and "myrtle were forbidden, as there was a myth of Faunus beating Bona Dea with a myrtle stick when she got drunk, and it seems she didn't want to be reminded (this may be one of the few Roman festivals and/or ceremonies with no use of alcohol in copious amounts).
She was frequently depicted on Roman coins, often with her symbols, the cornucopia and the snake (a symbol of healing). Snakes were also kept in her temple in Rome.
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Last night my dad picked me up late and took me back home for the night; we ate Chinese food, watched a Christmas movie and had a nice fire, and I got to bed waaaaaay late, which is a bad habit I need to break...
The reason for this was this morning, when we drove down to Boston for the Cultural Survival Bazaar (after a stopover in. If you live in the Boston area, you should check this out; it's very cool. Merchants who do fair trade practices with indigenous/impoverished peoples will come to sell the crafts and foods (coffee, chocolate, and olive oil mostly) at the bazaar, and 40% of the profits go to help preserve indigenous culture. Whatever you think of the politics/idea, though, it's a great place to poke around, and the timing (first three weekends in December) make it good for Christmas shopping for the people who don't actually need anything, or who might find it interesting.
There's a lot of sub-Saharan African stuff, especially wooden decorated bowls and utensils; toys; and instruments. There are woven rugs from Peru and woolen hats from Nepal; Ojibwa dreamcatchers and singing bowls from Tibet. And lots and lots of jewelry, from pretty much everywhere. I actually got almost all my shopping done there; I had only three presents left (for my mom, my brother, and a little gift to give Ryter on Christmas Eve). We also ate lunch from the Indian food stand that was there; it was really good (mmm, chicken masala).
Then we went to the BU bookstore, because Shrewd has an employee discount (she works for BU Hillel) and we wanted to kill time before we checked out her place of employment (which wasn't open yet). There, I got my present for my brother, who asked for math books for Christmas (weirdo).
We then went to Hillel, where Shrewd works. She serves kosher food in a little cafe overlooking the Charles River. It's a very pretty place. We got the 20-second tour and ran into my cousin's boyfriend, who helped Shrewd get the job there (yay nepotism).
Then they took me back to campus, as there's supposed to be a blizzard tonight and none of us wanted to be caught in that...
Her festival was celebrated with secret rites held in the home of a prominent Roman magistrate. Only women were allowed, so I guess the magistrate himself was kicked out, and his wife ran the show (with the Vestal Virgins' assistance). You couldn't even have a male animal or a picture of a man with you. The words "wine" and "myrtle were forbidden, as there was a myth of Faunus beating Bona Dea with a myrtle stick when she got drunk, and it seems she didn't want to be reminded (this may be one of the few Roman festivals and/or ceremonies with no use of alcohol in copious amounts).
She was frequently depicted on Roman coins, often with her symbols, the cornucopia and the snake (a symbol of healing). Snakes were also kept in her temple in Rome.
Last night my dad picked me up late and took me back home for the night; we ate Chinese food, watched a Christmas movie and had a nice fire, and I got to bed waaaaaay late, which is a bad habit I need to break...
The reason for this was this morning, when we drove down to Boston for the Cultural Survival Bazaar (after a stopover in. If you live in the Boston area, you should check this out; it's very cool. Merchants who do fair trade practices with indigenous/impoverished peoples will come to sell the crafts and foods (coffee, chocolate, and olive oil mostly) at the bazaar, and 40% of the profits go to help preserve indigenous culture. Whatever you think of the politics/idea, though, it's a great place to poke around, and the timing (first three weekends in December) make it good for Christmas shopping for the people who don't actually need anything, or who might find it interesting.
There's a lot of sub-Saharan African stuff, especially wooden decorated bowls and utensils; toys; and instruments. There are woven rugs from Peru and woolen hats from Nepal; Ojibwa dreamcatchers and singing bowls from Tibet. And lots and lots of jewelry, from pretty much everywhere. I actually got almost all my shopping done there; I had only three presents left (for my mom, my brother, and a little gift to give Ryter on Christmas Eve). We also ate lunch from the Indian food stand that was there; it was really good (mmm, chicken masala).
Then we went to the BU bookstore, because Shrewd has an employee discount (she works for BU Hillel) and we wanted to kill time before we checked out her place of employment (which wasn't open yet). There, I got my present for my brother, who asked for math books for Christmas (weirdo).
We then went to Hillel, where Shrewd works. She serves kosher food in a little cafe overlooking the Charles River. It's a very pretty place. We got the 20-second tour and ran into my cousin's boyfriend, who helped Shrewd get the job there (yay nepotism).
Then they took me back to campus, as there's supposed to be a blizzard tonight and none of us wanted to be caught in that...
Monday, November 26, 2007
Apparently, we're not allowed to sing Christmas carols until December. Shucks.
So Thanksgiving is over.
The reason I didn't write anything over Thanksgiving was that I spent my time either with my family or sleeping. I finally caught up on sleep, which is good.
So, Thanksgiving Day. Ryter came over and we ate Thanksgiving at my place, with all the traditional dishes-- turkey, naturally, and gravy; mashed potatoes, squash, stuffing, cranberry sauce, green bean casserole, baby onions, mushroom barley soup, popovers, rolls, salad-- tons of food. My grandfather was there too, which was nice.
Once we finished we drove down to Ryter's grandmother's house for his family Thanksgiving. Tons of people, tons of food-- the turkey was wrapped in bacon, which was weird, but I didn't eat the skin and it was fine. Everyone was really nice, it was a lot of fun, and I got to help Ryter surprise two of his cousins when they were up on the third floor, doing something that involved one of them shirtless. Awkward.
His grandmother has an awesome house. There's a secret second staircase to the kitchen, and a secret room, and a second little kitchen on the third floor with a door onto a rooftop balcony.
Friday we all--save the brother-- went to see Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, a very good movie, I recommend it. Great imagery, very fun. Saturday we returned to the movies for Enchanted, which was hilarious and I also recommend.
So that was my break; most of the rest of the time was spent sleeping. I have just two things to say:
1) I could've sworn Thanksgiving was supposed to be the last Thursday in November...
2) Four weeks left of class. *Sigh*
The reason I didn't write anything over Thanksgiving was that I spent my time either with my family or sleeping. I finally caught up on sleep, which is good.
So, Thanksgiving Day. Ryter came over and we ate Thanksgiving at my place, with all the traditional dishes-- turkey, naturally, and gravy; mashed potatoes, squash, stuffing, cranberry sauce, green bean casserole, baby onions, mushroom barley soup, popovers, rolls, salad-- tons of food. My grandfather was there too, which was nice.
Once we finished we drove down to Ryter's grandmother's house for his family Thanksgiving. Tons of people, tons of food-- the turkey was wrapped in bacon, which was weird, but I didn't eat the skin and it was fine. Everyone was really nice, it was a lot of fun, and I got to help Ryter surprise two of his cousins when they were up on the third floor, doing something that involved one of them shirtless. Awkward.
His grandmother has an awesome house. There's a secret second staircase to the kitchen, and a secret room, and a second little kitchen on the third floor with a door onto a rooftop balcony.
Friday we all--save the brother-- went to see Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, a very good movie, I recommend it. Great imagery, very fun. Saturday we returned to the movies for Enchanted, which was hilarious and I also recommend.
So that was my break; most of the rest of the time was spent sleeping. I have just two things to say:
1) I could've sworn Thanksgiving was supposed to be the last Thursday in November...
2) Four weeks left of class. *Sigh*
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Redneck step-uncles: the best kind of redneck uncle.
You know how I've been having issues with feeling like reality is surreal? Well, the worst thing to do in that state of mind is go to a haunted house. I was scared shitless. Ryter's knuckles suffered quite a bit.
Loquelo, Loquelo's housemate Quiesa, Ryter and I went to the Haunted Acres in Epping, where they've got two haunted houses, a haunted maze, and a haunted walk through the woods. Ryter had never been to a haunted house before. We went to the Haunted Saloon/Mineshaft first, where I made the mistake of going last, and thus was the victim of the various monsters who followed us a bit too closely. Quiesa would scream bloody murder when people jumped out, which made the whole thing five times scarier. It was all Western-themed. Ryter said "Hi" to all the actors, just randomly.
The next one was the Atomic House, designed to show nuclear fallout. For this one they gave us 3-D glasses, which did make the whole thing very psychedelic and a bit like an acid trip, but which also, alas, refused to stay on, and when they were on they made it very hard to find my footing on the floor, which went up and down at random times. I wound up taking them off for the uneven parts. The strobe lights were a challenge, though. At one point someone jumped out at me while I was messing with the glasses and I shrieked, which was one of the few times Ryter actually admitted he got scared.
Then we went to the maze, which was just that-- a maze-- only in almost complete darkness, with hidden doors from which costumed people would wander out, surprise us, and follow us. We got lost a few times, and this one guy with a meat cleaver who looked exactly like Loquelo in the darkness got between Ryter, Quiesa and I and Loquelo, and trapped us in a dead end. Thankfully they weren't allowed to touch us so we got past him, but he followed us all the way to the exit and scared the CRAP out of Quiesa. Meanwhile Ryter and Loquelo were laughing, and they both have these high-pitched, creepy laughs that weren't really helping matters.
Then we finished by doing the quarter-mile Nightmare Walk through the woods. First guy we see has this big-ass sword and comes running straight at Quiesa, raising it in the air. She shrieked and cowered. Of course he didn't touch her, but she was crying as she laughed afterwards. The walk was by far the scariest. Even Ryter was scared, at least until he figured out the pattern of where the people were hiding, waiting to jump out at us. There was a six-foot-high dragon, lots of ghouls and witches, and a guy with a real, running chainsaw that smelled terrible. I admit, my heart was in my throat. The fact that we were in the woods-- and thus there was real wilderness on either side, and we accidentally went off the path once, and it was REALLY dark in spots-- made it much worse.
Ryter LOVED it. Especially the Atomic House and the walk, of course. He had a ball. Me, not so much. I don't like being really scared, and the fact that I have had trouble with reality vs. fantasy lately was making it very, very hard. I didn't realize it would be that bad. Still, it was fun, and I'm glad I went with someone whose hand I could grab onto and basically not let go of the entire time...
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Yesterday was Ryter's grandfather's engagement party. Basically, like 40 people of his extended family on his dad's side, all gathered together in this little ranch house... It wasn't that bad. It was a bit claustrophobic at times, but everyone was really nice, and Ryter's favorite uncle was there from LA as a surprise, which was cool. Plus we got to laugh at the antics of his redneck soon-to-be step-uncles in many different levels of sobriety.
Ryter has learned that his uncle, a man he and his entire family does not like, is paying for the bar bill at the wedding (which will be one day after I turn 21, incidentally). Thus, he and much of his family has decided to get as plastered as is humanly possible, as fast as possible.
I will be driving us back from this wedding, methinks.
Loquelo, Loquelo's housemate Quiesa, Ryter and I went to the Haunted Acres in Epping, where they've got two haunted houses, a haunted maze, and a haunted walk through the woods. Ryter had never been to a haunted house before. We went to the Haunted Saloon/Mineshaft first, where I made the mistake of going last, and thus was the victim of the various monsters who followed us a bit too closely. Quiesa would scream bloody murder when people jumped out, which made the whole thing five times scarier. It was all Western-themed. Ryter said "Hi" to all the actors, just randomly.
The next one was the Atomic House, designed to show nuclear fallout. For this one they gave us 3-D glasses, which did make the whole thing very psychedelic and a bit like an acid trip, but which also, alas, refused to stay on, and when they were on they made it very hard to find my footing on the floor, which went up and down at random times. I wound up taking them off for the uneven parts. The strobe lights were a challenge, though. At one point someone jumped out at me while I was messing with the glasses and I shrieked, which was one of the few times Ryter actually admitted he got scared.
Then we went to the maze, which was just that-- a maze-- only in almost complete darkness, with hidden doors from which costumed people would wander out, surprise us, and follow us. We got lost a few times, and this one guy with a meat cleaver who looked exactly like Loquelo in the darkness got between Ryter, Quiesa and I and Loquelo, and trapped us in a dead end. Thankfully they weren't allowed to touch us so we got past him, but he followed us all the way to the exit and scared the CRAP out of Quiesa. Meanwhile Ryter and Loquelo were laughing, and they both have these high-pitched, creepy laughs that weren't really helping matters.
Then we finished by doing the quarter-mile Nightmare Walk through the woods. First guy we see has this big-ass sword and comes running straight at Quiesa, raising it in the air. She shrieked and cowered. Of course he didn't touch her, but she was crying as she laughed afterwards. The walk was by far the scariest. Even Ryter was scared, at least until he figured out the pattern of where the people were hiding, waiting to jump out at us. There was a six-foot-high dragon, lots of ghouls and witches, and a guy with a real, running chainsaw that smelled terrible. I admit, my heart was in my throat. The fact that we were in the woods-- and thus there was real wilderness on either side, and we accidentally went off the path once, and it was REALLY dark in spots-- made it much worse.
Ryter LOVED it. Especially the Atomic House and the walk, of course. He had a ball. Me, not so much. I don't like being really scared, and the fact that I have had trouble with reality vs. fantasy lately was making it very, very hard. I didn't realize it would be that bad. Still, it was fun, and I'm glad I went with someone whose hand I could grab onto and basically not let go of the entire time...
Yesterday was Ryter's grandfather's engagement party. Basically, like 40 people of his extended family on his dad's side, all gathered together in this little ranch house... It wasn't that bad. It was a bit claustrophobic at times, but everyone was really nice, and Ryter's favorite uncle was there from LA as a surprise, which was cool. Plus we got to laugh at the antics of his redneck soon-to-be step-uncles in many different levels of sobriety.
Ryter has learned that his uncle, a man he and his entire family does not like, is paying for the bar bill at the wedding (which will be one day after I turn 21, incidentally). Thus, he and much of his family has decided to get as plastered as is humanly possible, as fast as possible.
I will be driving us back from this wedding, methinks.
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Trying to be both vague and specific at the same time is rather challenging.
It appears this business of bursting into tears pretty much every night that I am alone is going to become a habit.
I'm glad I spent the night at home, though honestly I wish I could have spent another night, or a whole weekend. I did get to get some apples and cider today, and see the ducks at the local apple orchard's duck pond. They used to advertise "FEED THE DUCKS!" and sell duck food, but I think some environmentalist got to them because now the sign says "PLEASE DON'T FEED THE DUCKS-- THEY NEED TO BE ABLE TO FLY!"
And I talked to my dad about Thanksgiving. He refuses to let it be moved to Friday but was okay with eating at 12 or 1 and letting me go to Ryter's family dinner afterwards. The only question is if my aunt can come up that early. My mom will talk to her.
And now I'm back at school, a little later than planned. I think this stress won't go away until I solve the problems that are causing it-- no amount of relaxation will help. I just wish I could say how successful I will be at that.
I'm glad I spent the night at home, though honestly I wish I could have spent another night, or a whole weekend. I did get to get some apples and cider today, and see the ducks at the local apple orchard's duck pond. They used to advertise "FEED THE DUCKS!" and sell duck food, but I think some environmentalist got to them because now the sign says "PLEASE DON'T FEED THE DUCKS-- THEY NEED TO BE ABLE TO FLY!"
And I talked to my dad about Thanksgiving. He refuses to let it be moved to Friday but was okay with eating at 12 or 1 and letting me go to Ryter's family dinner afterwards. The only question is if my aunt can come up that early. My mom will talk to her.
And now I'm back at school, a little later than planned. I think this stress won't go away until I solve the problems that are causing it-- no amount of relaxation will help. I just wish I could say how successful I will be at that.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Not this shit again.
I managed to skip Biostats today. Not intentionally. We were dismissed from Organic and, instead of sitting there and waiting for my professor to come in, I just... left. I spaced. I honestly thought it was time for me to go. I forgot a whole hour of my day.
But oh well. I can catch up later. I'm stressed, is all.
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I'm at home right now, which will help. I talked to my mom about Thanksgiving with Ryter-- she said she's okay with it, but I haven't talked to my dad yet. That will not go as well...
Honestly? I'd rather we just did separate Thanksgivings this year. I think he said they do a deli platter. For Thanksgiving. My mom does a big-ass turkey and a whole mess of side dishes and she's a fabulous cook. She suggested we do the dinner Friday, if Shrewd could get Friday off work, but if Shrewd's at Crate and Barrel she'll need to do day-after-Thanksgiving sales. Moving it would be so unbeleivably perfect... but unlikely. So I may be skipping my mom's amazing Thanksgiving cooking for Ryter. I hope that kid knows how much I love him.
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I played my Marvel Heroes monopoly game tonight with my mom and dad. I lost, spectacularly. Mummy won, and she was talking to Shrewd on the phone for the first 20 minutes or so. It didn't help that Daddy had the TV going for background noise, which makes it impossible for me to concentrate. But it's a cute game, and a lot of fun. Park Place was Magneto, Boardwalk was Professor X, in case you're curious.
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So I was sitting here writing this at midnight, and now I'm crying. Why am I crying? Hell if I know. I'm just crying. And I can't see the screen very well.
okay, so maybe I do know. Maybe I'm crying because I'm so stressed I accidentally skipped a class. Maybe it's because I just finished my third test in less than a week this morning. Maybe it's because I spent 15 minutes of that test on one problem only to realize that duh, 1200 divided by 300 is 4, not 400. Maybe it's because I can't stick to a diet and every time I look down I am reminded of how fat I am. Maybe it's the fact that he, completely innocently, made me feel incredibly embarrassed and ashamed of the one feature of my body that I have always felt really, really self-conscious about and wanted him to approve of. Maybe it's because I have a Orgo quiz Monday and a test in two weeks. Maybe it has something to do with all my Daphnia dying and my turning in a crappy report on them. Maybe it's the fact that my boyfriend has told me that all the not-quite-sex stuff that we do together does pretty much nothing for him, and basically told me to lay off anything more than kissing until I'm ready for sex (not that he's saying that needs to be soon). Maybe it's the fact that this is the first time I've been home for longer than an hour since I went to school, and I can only spend the night, and no one's going to be home tomorrow anyway since it's Thursday and they have to work, and by the time they get home I'll have to go back to Durham so I can be around to spend tomorrow hiking with Ryter, and spend the night before him sleeping in his god-awful uncomfortable bed and not touching him, then go spend Saturday being smiley and happy for his family, and Sunday doing homework. Maybe it has something to do with not being ALONE since... god. I can't remember. I can't remember being alone. And I'm increasingly retreating into my fantasy worlds to the point where reality seems surreal, and I can't fix that problem because I have maybe five friends and they're all so busy with jobs or extracurriculars (you know, lives) that I can't spend time with them instead and have THEM pull me out of this world I've retreated into. And I feel like I can't tell Ryter because he's stressed out already and his problems are worse than mine, and besides, he's the reason for some of mine and that will make him feel worse and when he feels guilty it makes me feel bad for making him feel guilty and ultimately, even if it was his fault, I wind up suffering emotionally more than him.
I'm so sick of crying. The way I stop crying is to retreat into a fantasy, where I'm pretty and healthy and supreme dictator of earth. But when I retreat into fantasy it's worse when I have to return to the real world. So I have to decide if the temporary relief is worth it.
But oh well. I can catch up later. I'm stressed, is all.
I'm at home right now, which will help. I talked to my mom about Thanksgiving with Ryter-- she said she's okay with it, but I haven't talked to my dad yet. That will not go as well...
Honestly? I'd rather we just did separate Thanksgivings this year. I think he said they do a deli platter. For Thanksgiving. My mom does a big-ass turkey and a whole mess of side dishes and she's a fabulous cook. She suggested we do the dinner Friday, if Shrewd could get Friday off work, but if Shrewd's at Crate and Barrel she'll need to do day-after-Thanksgiving sales. Moving it would be so unbeleivably perfect... but unlikely. So I may be skipping my mom's amazing Thanksgiving cooking for Ryter. I hope that kid knows how much I love him.
I played my Marvel Heroes monopoly game tonight with my mom and dad. I lost, spectacularly. Mummy won, and she was talking to Shrewd on the phone for the first 20 minutes or so. It didn't help that Daddy had the TV going for background noise, which makes it impossible for me to concentrate. But it's a cute game, and a lot of fun. Park Place was Magneto, Boardwalk was Professor X, in case you're curious.
So I was sitting here writing this at midnight, and now I'm crying. Why am I crying? Hell if I know. I'm just crying. And I can't see the screen very well.
okay, so maybe I do know. Maybe I'm crying because I'm so stressed I accidentally skipped a class. Maybe it's because I just finished my third test in less than a week this morning. Maybe it's because I spent 15 minutes of that test on one problem only to realize that duh, 1200 divided by 300 is 4, not 400. Maybe it's because I can't stick to a diet and every time I look down I am reminded of how fat I am. Maybe it's the fact that he, completely innocently, made me feel incredibly embarrassed and ashamed of the one feature of my body that I have always felt really, really self-conscious about and wanted him to approve of. Maybe it's because I have a Orgo quiz Monday and a test in two weeks. Maybe it has something to do with all my Daphnia dying and my turning in a crappy report on them. Maybe it's the fact that my boyfriend has told me that all the not-quite-sex stuff that we do together does pretty much nothing for him, and basically told me to lay off anything more than kissing until I'm ready for sex (not that he's saying that needs to be soon). Maybe it's the fact that this is the first time I've been home for longer than an hour since I went to school, and I can only spend the night, and no one's going to be home tomorrow anyway since it's Thursday and they have to work, and by the time they get home I'll have to go back to Durham so I can be around to spend tomorrow hiking with Ryter, and spend the night before him sleeping in his god-awful uncomfortable bed and not touching him, then go spend Saturday being smiley and happy for his family, and Sunday doing homework. Maybe it has something to do with not being ALONE since... god. I can't remember. I can't remember being alone. And I'm increasingly retreating into my fantasy worlds to the point where reality seems surreal, and I can't fix that problem because I have maybe five friends and they're all so busy with jobs or extracurriculars (you know, lives) that I can't spend time with them instead and have THEM pull me out of this world I've retreated into. And I feel like I can't tell Ryter because he's stressed out already and his problems are worse than mine, and besides, he's the reason for some of mine and that will make him feel worse and when he feels guilty it makes me feel bad for making him feel guilty and ultimately, even if it was his fault, I wind up suffering emotionally more than him.
I'm so sick of crying. The way I stop crying is to retreat into a fantasy, where I'm pretty and healthy and supreme dictator of earth. But when I retreat into fantasy it's worse when I have to return to the real world. So I have to decide if the temporary relief is worth it.
Monday, October 8, 2007
I got really PO'd at my RA too, but she may actually deserve it.
Good news. I got an 82% on my Biostats exam. Now to get through the Ecology one Wednesday. But I'm much better at retaining things from that class, at least.
I also took a Latin test today, but I'm not too worried. It was just a translation. I think I may have tripped up in some places but they were minor mistakes-- I got the gist of it, and we had to paraphrase too. Not a terrible worry. Except I forgot to record the homework for that class, so now I have to admit to my professor that I spaced...
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I'm depressed right now, and I don't know why. I've been crying a lot, over anything, and I'm moody. Plus it feels like everything people do bothers me. Not irritable-bothers, but just makes me feel sucky and upset. I noticed it with Ryter tonight, though I was suppressing it because he's in a lot of pain lately and he doesn't need to deal with me being moody and emo. Hopefully it will go away soon.
Honestly, I think it's a yearly thing. As much as I love fall, every year-- perhaps due to the return to academia-- I get depressed for a month or so. I actually think it might be a good sign for my own health that I'm getting upset at other people instead of myself, though. I mean, I'm upset with myself, especially in terms of my weight and academic difficulties, but I'm ALSO getting upset with others, when previously I would just take all that emotion and turn it in on myself.
This annoyance at those around me, while potentially a good thing, is also a bad thing in that I won't be very fun to be around for a while, and in that I have to talk to my parents about the Thanksgiving issue this weekend-- specifically that Ryter really, really wants me to spend Thanksgiving with his family, and my family has been increasing the importance of Thanksgiving since Shrewd and I went away to school. Which means that I will have to have my mom explain that we're a little young to be sharing holidays that both families celebrate (his doesn't celebrate Christmas, so that doesn't count), and more specifically, that this is "all well and good to date him but it's not like you're going to marry the guy" which is the one statement that drives me NUTS lately and I get it ALL THE TIME from family.
Basically, what they are saying is, they want me to treat this like a college fling, a starter boyfriend. Which I would NEVER do and I would discourage others from doing, because it is cruel and manipulative. If we don't wind up together forever, that's okay. If we do, that's okay too. I don't know. But if I did that, I sure as hell would know how it would end, and it wouldn't be fair if he didn't.
I'm still debating whether or not to talk to Ryter about the things that are bothering me. On the one hand, maybe they are legit complaints. On the other, maybe I'm making them up because I'm depressed and moody. On the third, creepily dismembered hand of some dead hobo I found, he's got a lot to deal with right now and probably doesn't need this too...
I also took a Latin test today, but I'm not too worried. It was just a translation. I think I may have tripped up in some places but they were minor mistakes-- I got the gist of it, and we had to paraphrase too. Not a terrible worry. Except I forgot to record the homework for that class, so now I have to admit to my professor that I spaced...
I'm depressed right now, and I don't know why. I've been crying a lot, over anything, and I'm moody. Plus it feels like everything people do bothers me. Not irritable-bothers, but just makes me feel sucky and upset. I noticed it with Ryter tonight, though I was suppressing it because he's in a lot of pain lately and he doesn't need to deal with me being moody and emo. Hopefully it will go away soon.
Honestly, I think it's a yearly thing. As much as I love fall, every year-- perhaps due to the return to academia-- I get depressed for a month or so. I actually think it might be a good sign for my own health that I'm getting upset at other people instead of myself, though. I mean, I'm upset with myself, especially in terms of my weight and academic difficulties, but I'm ALSO getting upset with others, when previously I would just take all that emotion and turn it in on myself.
This annoyance at those around me, while potentially a good thing, is also a bad thing in that I won't be very fun to be around for a while, and in that I have to talk to my parents about the Thanksgiving issue this weekend-- specifically that Ryter really, really wants me to spend Thanksgiving with his family, and my family has been increasing the importance of Thanksgiving since Shrewd and I went away to school. Which means that I will have to have my mom explain that we're a little young to be sharing holidays that both families celebrate (his doesn't celebrate Christmas, so that doesn't count), and more specifically, that this is "all well and good to date him but it's not like you're going to marry the guy" which is the one statement that drives me NUTS lately and I get it ALL THE TIME from family.
Basically, what they are saying is, they want me to treat this like a college fling, a starter boyfriend. Which I would NEVER do and I would discourage others from doing, because it is cruel and manipulative. If we don't wind up together forever, that's okay. If we do, that's okay too. I don't know. But if I did that, I sure as hell would know how it would end, and it wouldn't be fair if he didn't.
I'm still debating whether or not to talk to Ryter about the things that are bothering me. On the one hand, maybe they are legit complaints. On the other, maybe I'm making them up because I'm depressed and moody. On the third, creepily dismembered hand of some dead hobo I found, he's got a lot to deal with right now and probably doesn't need this too...
Sunday, October 7, 2007
My mother seems to have decided to give me sweaters a lot-- I'm not entirely sure how related this is to the "miniskirt" incident...
My whole family came up for my birthday celebration today, which was cool. We went to the New England Center (they have a Sunday brunch buffet), and Vivacia and Ryter came too.
It was cool. I got a cowboy hat, a sweater, an iTunes gift card, a Marvel Monopoly board and $375. All of which are most excellent. Also, the food was good and having Vivacia there apparently made Ryter a lot less nervous around my parents, because they were more focused on the fact that they haven't seen Vivacia in ages.
Then, I spent the afternoon studying. Well, sort of. I was supposed to be studying, anyway. It was an on and off thing... However, I did set up my secondary blog, which has only three entries. It's just me babbling about the Middle East conflict, plural marriage, and cheating, but if you like that sort of thing or want to tell me all the many ways I am wrong, check it out. Unlike many internet opinion blogs, I will admit if you change my mind-- and changing my mind is possible.
It was cool. I got a cowboy hat, a sweater, an iTunes gift card, a Marvel Monopoly board and $375. All of which are most excellent. Also, the food was good and having Vivacia there apparently made Ryter a lot less nervous around my parents, because they were more focused on the fact that they haven't seen Vivacia in ages.Then, I spent the afternoon studying. Well, sort of. I was supposed to be studying, anyway. It was an on and off thing... However, I did set up my secondary blog, which has only three entries. It's just me babbling about the Middle East conflict, plural marriage, and cheating, but if you like that sort of thing or want to tell me all the many ways I am wrong, check it out. Unlike many internet opinion blogs, I will admit if you change my mind-- and changing my mind is possible.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
I went to the animal fair... the birds and the beasts were there...
Finally, I can write. I'm going to separate these into different posts, instead of one long one, because I find it easier to read that way.
Starting with Friday...
After I checked my Daphnia experiment in lab I met Shrewd at my dorm, and we got directions and headed to the Deerfield Fair. The Deerfield Fair is held every year, never really changes, and is a lot of fun. Shrewd and I always like to go.
We were planning on meeting Mummy and Daddy there, but the cell phone reception was bad (isn't it always?) so we wandered around a bit. First stop was the sheep barn:
Which is one of Shrewd's favorite places. Then there was the goats...
And the pigs. We caught a bit of the pig show:
And then met up with Mummy and Daddy at last, as there was reception by the swine barn. Also by the swine barn? A sausage stand. Sketchy.
We moved on the poultry barn. There were ducks that looked like Arthur from Sheldon,
and drag queen chickens. Fabulous.
We got soup in a bread bowl for lunch, then the next stop was the draft horse heavy pulling show. Basically we watched giant horses, over seven feet tall, drag 3000+ lbs across the ring. Each team had to be backed up carefully towards the weight (which was put in place by tractor). This was sometimes a bit challenging, as the draft horses were all too eager to go. The first team was called Redneck Express, which amused me.
After watching that we swung over to where the Teamsters (4-H types) were competing with their oxen. The first kid looked about 8 and his oxen responded to him like puppies. Adorable. But not very obedient. The second kid had a little better luck with his.
The oxen were so sweet, but very big, and there were two cute little kids (can't take pictures of kids not your own, that makes you a predator, or I would have gotten one of these guys) playing on the fence and, for a little while, IN the oxen ring. One of the mommies caught this and freaked out, racing over to rescue the little kid.
One of the competitors was the regional champion oxen-raiser. These are hers. She's adult-sized, compare to the little ones before.
Then the draft horse barns! Ah, horsies...
And oxen, which I actually had to look on Wikipedia to figure out that pulling oxen are basically just steers. I always figured it was like the difference between a dairy cow and a beef cow but turns out that a neutered male dairy cow is an ox. Actually all cows/domesticated cattle are oxen, but these guys are the only ones we call such. I'd show you a picture from that barn but the only one I have has family members in it.
But here, have a dairy cow. That was our next stop:
And we saw them get milked:
By this time it was getting late. We went and got a Blooming Onion to share, then looked at the shops on the fairway, including a cowboy hat shop where Shrewd got a cool fancy hat, and then got fried dough, fudge, and decided to leave.
That was fun. Then we went to the Olive Garden all the way in Manchester, and I wound up getting back to campus really late. But it was okay, in the end.
Starting with Friday...
After I checked my Daphnia experiment in lab I met Shrewd at my dorm, and we got directions and headed to the Deerfield Fair. The Deerfield Fair is held every year, never really changes, and is a lot of fun. Shrewd and I always like to go.
We were planning on meeting Mummy and Daddy there, but the cell phone reception was bad (isn't it always?) so we wandered around a bit. First stop was the sheep barn:
Which is one of Shrewd's favorite places. Then there was the goats...
And the pigs. We caught a bit of the pig show:
And then met up with Mummy and Daddy at last, as there was reception by the swine barn. Also by the swine barn? A sausage stand. Sketchy.
We moved on the poultry barn. There were ducks that looked like Arthur from Sheldon,
and drag queen chickens. Fabulous.
We got soup in a bread bowl for lunch, then the next stop was the draft horse heavy pulling show. Basically we watched giant horses, over seven feet tall, drag 3000+ lbs across the ring. Each team had to be backed up carefully towards the weight (which was put in place by tractor). This was sometimes a bit challenging, as the draft horses were all too eager to go. The first team was called Redneck Express, which amused me.
After watching that we swung over to where the Teamsters (4-H types) were competing with their oxen. The first kid looked about 8 and his oxen responded to him like puppies. Adorable. But not very obedient. The second kid had a little better luck with his.
The oxen were so sweet, but very big, and there were two cute little kids (can't take pictures of kids not your own, that makes you a predator, or I would have gotten one of these guys) playing on the fence and, for a little while, IN the oxen ring. One of the mommies caught this and freaked out, racing over to rescue the little kid.
One of the competitors was the regional champion oxen-raiser. These are hers. She's adult-sized, compare to the little ones before.
Then the draft horse barns! Ah, horsies...
And oxen, which I actually had to look on Wikipedia to figure out that pulling oxen are basically just steers. I always figured it was like the difference between a dairy cow and a beef cow but turns out that a neutered male dairy cow is an ox. Actually all cows/domesticated cattle are oxen, but these guys are the only ones we call such. I'd show you a picture from that barn but the only one I have has family members in it.
But here, have a dairy cow. That was our next stop:
And we saw them get milked:
By this time it was getting late. We went and got a Blooming Onion to share, then looked at the shops on the fairway, including a cowboy hat shop where Shrewd got a cool fancy hat, and then got fried dough, fudge, and decided to leave.
That was fun. Then we went to the Olive Garden all the way in Manchester, and I wound up getting back to campus really late. But it was okay, in the end.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
I'm baaaaaa-ack.
Today is the first day of the Ludi Romani, fifteen days of games to honor Jupiter, king of the gods. It's also the year, in 394 AD, when the last Pagan Emperor, Eugenius, died.
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I moved back to UNH yesterday,waking up at 7:00 in the morning and dragging my family out of bed (an excellent revenge for not spending any time with me on my last night at home-- I woke them up early when they didn't get in until 12:30) and began to jam stuff into the car. I made the mistake of stating, "There's no way all my crap will fit into one car-- we should take two," which Daddy and the Brother took as a challenge and naturally responded to by packing us in really tightly, with the truck bungeed down and me riding the whole way with a white plastic set of drawers on my lap. At one point Daddy took a sharp turn and I asked, "Is the fish okay? Did he tip over?" Mummy just laughed. For about fifteen minutes.
But it was only an hour, and then we arrived and checked in. I had called Ryter and asked him to come over and help move me in, but there were about 10 people waiting to help with the unloading so no one bought more than 1 heavy thing up, in this parade of boxes and the fridge. By the time Ryter arrived there wasn't much left to do-- Daddy, the Brother and I had lofted the bed and moved the desk under it and Mummy had started unpacking things.
Of course, his arrival did mean he was there for one of the more embarrassing moments of the day... I had very carefully put all the things that I own that my mother doesn't know I own-- mostly undergarments and such-- in one box easily recognizable box, and spent much of the time trying to keep her from OPENING said box. I had finally thought I was in the clear when she held up a miniskirt that I had packed in the wrong box and shrieked, "What the hell is THIS?"
I hid in the closet.
And thus was my roommate introduced to me-- hiding in the closet while my mother berated me about how this was "NOT a skirt," etc, etc. So today, once I switched from "unbelievably embarrassed" to "angry," I sent her an email which in addition to mentioning various expenses I had incurred with the moving in, chastised her for embarrassing me with her complete lack of tact.
Her response offered an apology, at least, if it was tempered with an "I was just surprised" and a bit of denial.
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As yesterday was also exactly six months after Ryter and I started dating, he took me out to the place where we went out on our first date, this little Indian place. It was very sweet of him. Afterwards I had to go back to the dorm for a quick-- and mandatory-- floor meeting then I spent a few hours hanging out with him.
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At least I didn't have any classes today-- normally my only Tuesday class is an Ecology lab. I went in to Dover, was reminded of how much I hate the buses, then came back here and plan to continue with the unpacking while I wait for Matt to be able to take me to the bookstore (I need his car so I don't have to carry books for 4 classes all the way back to Hubbard on my lonesome. Hopefully we'll get to hang out a bit, too.
It's nice to be back.
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I moved back to UNH yesterday,waking up at 7:00 in the morning and dragging my family out of bed (an excellent revenge for not spending any time with me on my last night at home-- I woke them up early when they didn't get in until 12:30) and began to jam stuff into the car. I made the mistake of stating, "There's no way all my crap will fit into one car-- we should take two," which Daddy and the Brother took as a challenge and naturally responded to by packing us in really tightly, with the truck bungeed down and me riding the whole way with a white plastic set of drawers on my lap. At one point Daddy took a sharp turn and I asked, "Is the fish okay? Did he tip over?" Mummy just laughed. For about fifteen minutes.But it was only an hour, and then we arrived and checked in. I had called Ryter and asked him to come over and help move me in, but there were about 10 people waiting to help with the unloading so no one bought more than 1 heavy thing up, in this parade of boxes and the fridge. By the time Ryter arrived there wasn't much left to do-- Daddy, the Brother and I had lofted the bed and moved the desk under it and Mummy had started unpacking things.
Of course, his arrival did mean he was there for one of the more embarrassing moments of the day... I had very carefully put all the things that I own that my mother doesn't know I own-- mostly undergarments and such-- in one box easily recognizable box, and spent much of the time trying to keep her from OPENING said box. I had finally thought I was in the clear when she held up a miniskirt that I had packed in the wrong box and shrieked, "What the hell is THIS?"
I hid in the closet.
And thus was my roommate introduced to me-- hiding in the closet while my mother berated me about how this was "NOT a skirt," etc, etc. So today, once I switched from "unbelievably embarrassed" to "angry," I sent her an email which in addition to mentioning various expenses I had incurred with the moving in, chastised her for embarrassing me with her complete lack of tact.Her response offered an apology, at least, if it was tempered with an "I was just surprised" and a bit of denial.
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As yesterday was also exactly six months after Ryter and I started dating, he took me out to the place where we went out on our first date, this little Indian place. It was very sweet of him. Afterwards I had to go back to the dorm for a quick-- and mandatory-- floor meeting then I spent a few hours hanging out with him.
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At least I didn't have any classes today-- normally my only Tuesday class is an Ecology lab. I went in to Dover, was reminded of how much I hate the buses, then came back here and plan to continue with the unpacking while I wait for Matt to be able to take me to the bookstore (I need his car so I don't have to carry books for 4 classes all the way back to Hubbard on my lonesome. Hopefully we'll get to hang out a bit, too.
It's nice to be back.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
In Which I Am A Bit Emo, I'm Afraid
Tonight, while I visited Ryter and comforted him because he was dealing with anxiety after a not-so-good doctor's visit, my mother accidentally fed my father meat in a marinade with too much sugar content and he lost feeling in his feet from the diabetes. He complained to her, she flipped out and angrily scrubbed the remaining marinade from the leftover meat, while he continued to complain every now and then because he couldn't walk right and was hurting.
She then drove off to go scream bloody murder in the car, parked in some lot somewhere. My sister cried and was petrified that she would hit a tree, she was so upset. This is not the first time this has happened. One of these days my mother will drive off angry and hit something and wind up in the hospital or worse. She needs therapy more than I did when I attempted suicide, and she will refuse to go because she thinks it's a waste of her time because honestly, I think her will to live is wholly rested on the fact that we need her, but she wouldn't really mind too much if she died. And my mother always tells me to throw out clothes that I still know I can mend.
Now, because my sister will cry, my father clearly has the tact of a walrus and my brother wouldn't know how to start, I have the task of going to her tomorrow and trying, yet again, to convince her to see a psychiatrist, knowing that if I do not the next time she drives off angry she may not come back.
God... I just want someone, anyone, ONE person in my life to be more stable than me. I just want someone who can be a rock for me. Someone who I will always know what to expect from. I don't want to be the responsible one in this family. I don't want to talk to my dad about how he needs to change his ways or he will lose his "perfect" children in all but the most perfunctory sense, I don't want to convince my mother to go into therapy, I don't want to have to protect my sister from them both and I don't want this life.
I wish the functionality we present was the functionality we possessed.
We're so 1955...
She then drove off to go scream bloody murder in the car, parked in some lot somewhere. My sister cried and was petrified that she would hit a tree, she was so upset. This is not the first time this has happened. One of these days my mother will drive off angry and hit something and wind up in the hospital or worse. She needs therapy more than I did when I attempted suicide, and she will refuse to go because she thinks it's a waste of her time because honestly, I think her will to live is wholly rested on the fact that we need her, but she wouldn't really mind too much if she died. And my mother always tells me to throw out clothes that I still know I can mend.
Now, because my sister will cry, my father clearly has the tact of a walrus and my brother wouldn't know how to start, I have the task of going to her tomorrow and trying, yet again, to convince her to see a psychiatrist, knowing that if I do not the next time she drives off angry she may not come back.
God... I just want someone, anyone, ONE person in my life to be more stable than me. I just want someone who can be a rock for me. Someone who I will always know what to expect from. I don't want to be the responsible one in this family. I don't want to talk to my dad about how he needs to change his ways or he will lose his "perfect" children in all but the most perfunctory sense, I don't want to convince my mother to go into therapy, I don't want to have to protect my sister from them both and I don't want this life.
I wish the functionality we present was the functionality we possessed.
We're so 1955...
Friday, August 10, 2007
"It was tragic and delicious."
This week has been a bit insane for me. Why? Well, let's recap.
Monday night, after I got my last paycheck from the Discovery store, I went down to Cape Cod with my folks, saw Order of the Phoenix, and spent the night, because on Tuesday Ryter was coming down to join me, Mummy, Daddy, my great-aunt (the one who took me to the Revels), her significant other to whom she is not married, my grandfather, Shrewd, and Shrewd' s college friend Spaz, who I can actually call Spaz on here despite that ALSO being how I think of her in real life (she and my sister have the same name, Spaz is her nickname, etc) on account of it not being a REAL name. We were having our big annual lobstah feed.
It could have been worse. My great aunt didn't interrogate Ryter nearly as bad as I had expected, and he made a good impression on my family for showing up, staying all the way until dessert, generally being personable and, in the case of my father, turning down that second glass of champagne. My aunt has voiced her approval. Plus we got to build a sandcastle-- Ryter is quite the accomplished sand-castle constructionist. And we got to scare the crap out of the teenage boy who didn't realize the architect was on the beach and thought it would be funny to destroy the thing.
Boy: YARGH! [kick, kick, jump, swipe]
Ryter: [glowers]
Me: That's not very nice.
Boy: Oh, it's my castle, I made it.
Me: No, you didn't.
Boy: Yes I did!
Me: Uhm, no, he did. [points to Ryter]
Boy: [dawning horror and anticipation of a smack down, followed by frantic attempts to "fix it"]
It was pretty hilarious. Almost made up for the kid's assholery.
I think Ryter was expecting the park to be, like, overun with unwashed toddlers and hillbillies, so he was pleasantly surprised to find that it's not the sort of place trailer trash affords-- most people who go there are like my family, with enough money for a summer place but not enough for a full-sized cottage they can only visit for a few weeks and weekends. The problem was, what with it being a three and a half hour drive down from Durham, and his hamstrings acting up, it wasn't really a fun day for him-- I mean, he flatly stated that the only reason he was going was because it was important to me that he go.
I wish there was a way to make the experiences that are fun for me be fun for him, too. I like everything, anything he wants to do is usually fun for me, but the reverse is not so, and he's usually dealing with pain at the same time which makes things even more difficult. Basically thus far the only things I've suggested that he's been able to get enthusiastic about are making pizzas with weird toppings and going to the orchards in my hometown and stargazing (there's no ambient light, so the night sky is amazing on clear nights-- so amazing that last time we went we saw several shooting stars, clear as a bell). Most of my ideas he either tries and winds up disliking (the planetarium in Concord, for example), or KNOWS he won't like (hiking, or the Chatham band concert).
Vivacia wants to go to Old Home Days in our town, and see the fireworks, and she suggested I invite him, but I don't think I'll have much success. Unfortunately, if Ryter doesn't come along it looks right now like it will wind up being Vivacia, her boyfriend Closer, me, and my former boyfriend Mack, and that would be awwwwwwkward. Well, for me anyway. And yet I can't picture Ryter wanting to go to an Old Home Days thing, even if we do spend a lot of the time hanging out on the swings at the elementary school and chatting.
------------------------------------------------
Then Wednesday I spent the WHOLE DAY cleaning my house. I even washed the kitchen window, the hardest one to clean because it basically involves squatting in the sink and leaning backwards out the window with a bottle of glass cleaner and a paper towel and no means of support. The house is basically clean. If Shrewd doesn't mess it up too much, it will be clean for my folks to come home to, which is what I was hoping for-- last weekend Mummy complained bitterly about coming home to a filthy house, and all I could think was, You didn't say you were coming home today!
I should have gone to the gym. But I didn't. I've been really bad about that lately.
------------------------------------------------
Then yesterday I drove back to the Cape on my own, so that I would have a car. I've never driven that route before. It's two and a half hours and it's very boring when you haven't got anyone to talk to, and you can't fall asleep. Plus it goes through Boston and is kind of a stressful drive in parts. I kept myself alert and focused by playing the street sign alphabet game in my head. Remember that game? You have to find all the letters of the alphabet in order by reading street signs... yeah. Then I got to Z and started again with license plates, that was MUCH harder.
I was planning on going to the Chatham band concert tonight, but it rained so that wouldn't have been fun. Instead I crocheted and then Mummy and I visited with my great-aunt, I shared some family gossip Bisobrina had told me that I probably shouldn't have, then we went to a glass museum for a while before Daddy joined us and we all went to the Lobster Hut for dinner. Then I drove back here.
I'm a bit bummed. I wanted to see the band concert. But I can go when The Brother is back, he'll want to go too. He's still in California with his drum corps, but if they win the next competition, they'll win the big World Championship thing for their division. My mom is REALLY EXCITED. He comes back Sunday.
Meanwhile, I will continue to clean the house. Next task-- windows. Daddy promised me $200 if I do all of them except the ones holding air conditioners.
Monday night, after I got my last paycheck from the Discovery store, I went down to Cape Cod with my folks, saw Order of the Phoenix, and spent the night, because on Tuesday Ryter was coming down to join me, Mummy, Daddy, my great-aunt (the one who took me to the Revels), her significant other to whom she is not married, my grandfather, Shrewd, and Shrewd' s college friend Spaz, who I can actually call Spaz on here despite that ALSO being how I think of her in real life (she and my sister have the same name, Spaz is her nickname, etc) on account of it not being a REAL name. We were having our big annual lobstah feed.It could have been worse. My great aunt didn't interrogate Ryter nearly as bad as I had expected, and he made a good impression on my family for showing up, staying all the way until dessert, generally being personable and, in the case of my father, turning down that second glass of champagne. My aunt has voiced her approval. Plus we got to build a sandcastle-- Ryter is quite the accomplished sand-castle constructionist. And we got to scare the crap out of the teenage boy who didn't realize the architect was on the beach and thought it would be funny to destroy the thing.
Boy: YARGH! [kick, kick, jump, swipe]Ryter: [glowers]
Me: That's not very nice.
Boy: Oh, it's my castle, I made it.
Me: No, you didn't.
Boy: Yes I did!
Me: Uhm, no, he did. [points to Ryter]
Boy: [dawning horror and anticipation of a smack down, followed by frantic attempts to "fix it"]
It was pretty hilarious. Almost made up for the kid's assholery.
I think Ryter was expecting the park to be, like, overun with unwashed toddlers and hillbillies, so he was pleasantly surprised to find that it's not the sort of place trailer trash affords-- most people who go there are like my family, with enough money for a summer place but not enough for a full-sized cottage they can only visit for a few weeks and weekends. The problem was, what with it being a three and a half hour drive down from Durham, and his hamstrings acting up, it wasn't really a fun day for him-- I mean, he flatly stated that the only reason he was going was because it was important to me that he go.
I wish there was a way to make the experiences that are fun for me be fun for him, too. I like everything, anything he wants to do is usually fun for me, but the reverse is not so, and he's usually dealing with pain at the same time which makes things even more difficult. Basically thus far the only things I've suggested that he's been able to get enthusiastic about are making pizzas with weird toppings and going to the orchards in my hometown and stargazing (there's no ambient light, so the night sky is amazing on clear nights-- so amazing that last time we went we saw several shooting stars, clear as a bell). Most of my ideas he either tries and winds up disliking (the planetarium in Concord, for example), or KNOWS he won't like (hiking, or the Chatham band concert).
Vivacia wants to go to Old Home Days in our town, and see the fireworks, and she suggested I invite him, but I don't think I'll have much success. Unfortunately, if Ryter doesn't come along it looks right now like it will wind up being Vivacia, her boyfriend Closer, me, and my former boyfriend Mack, and that would be awwwwwwkward. Well, for me anyway. And yet I can't picture Ryter wanting to go to an Old Home Days thing, even if we do spend a lot of the time hanging out on the swings at the elementary school and chatting.Then Wednesday I spent the WHOLE DAY cleaning my house. I even washed the kitchen window, the hardest one to clean because it basically involves squatting in the sink and leaning backwards out the window with a bottle of glass cleaner and a paper towel and no means of support. The house is basically clean. If Shrewd doesn't mess it up too much, it will be clean for my folks to come home to, which is what I was hoping for-- last weekend Mummy complained bitterly about coming home to a filthy house, and all I could think was, You didn't say you were coming home today!
I should have gone to the gym. But I didn't. I've been really bad about that lately.
Then yesterday I drove back to the Cape on my own, so that I would have a car. I've never driven that route before. It's two and a half hours and it's very boring when you haven't got anyone to talk to, and you can't fall asleep. Plus it goes through Boston and is kind of a stressful drive in parts. I kept myself alert and focused by playing the street sign alphabet game in my head. Remember that game? You have to find all the letters of the alphabet in order by reading street signs... yeah. Then I got to Z and started again with license plates, that was MUCH harder.
I was planning on going to the Chatham band concert tonight, but it rained so that wouldn't have been fun. Instead I crocheted and then Mummy and I visited with my great-aunt, I shared some family gossip Bisobrina had told me that I probably shouldn't have, then we went to a glass museum for a while before Daddy joined us and we all went to the Lobster Hut for dinner. Then I drove back here. I'm a bit bummed. I wanted to see the band concert. But I can go when The Brother is back, he'll want to go too. He's still in California with his drum corps, but if they win the next competition, they'll win the big World Championship thing for their division. My mom is REALLY EXCITED. He comes back Sunday.
Meanwhile, I will continue to clean the house. Next task-- windows. Daddy promised me $200 if I do all of them except the ones holding air conditioners.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
My frustration knows no bounds.
So this morning I realized that I had left my purse in Ryter's car when he visited last night (that was fun, we made pizza and he was quite pleased when I told him "You can put anything on it" and even more so when I said, "Uh, sure, you can put crab meat on it..." Final result for me was mushrooms, black olives and smoked oysters. For Ryter, it was Mexican taco cheese, onions, goat's cheese, a little bit of cheddar, anchovies, and crab meat. And now it's his favorite kind of pizza...), and thus after the craziness that is working at a store with only ten days before it closes, my dad and mom took me up to his place, and once I procured the bag and Mummy met Jesus, Ryter's pet lizard (Hey-ZOOS, not JEE-sus), we all went to Newick's to get some dinner.
It actually went very well; Daddy seems to be warming up to Ryter and there was a lot of sci-fi talk, and then we got into talking about the 60's (Quote from my father: "We started in this one English class reading all this hippie literature, and then moved into Marxist doctrine...") and stuff like that. Then I bought Ryter some fudge at the gift shop and he bought me a stuffed lobster and we dropped him off at his apartment before heading home.
Now, a warning-- below this line is me angrily emoting for quite some time, so feel free to not read it.
---------------------------------------
The WHOLE way home, we were talking about Ryter; this was not my doing. It only started because my mom was wondering how anyone could afford to rent anymore if a studio apartment in Durham was $900. I pointed out that a) it's a very nice apartment and close to the school, b) his landlady is very lenient, and c) he's living alone, and most people starting out have roommates.
This diverged into why he doesn't have roommates, and it all went downhill from there.
The main thing in the conversation, though, was that Daddy's biggest problem with Ryter is one of the reasons that I love him so much-- he's very easy to read. He wears his emotions on his sleeve and I can tell exactly how he's feeling almost all the time, and he'll tell me why he's feeling that way. Thus, the fact that I have issues reading people's emotions isn't a problem, and I know when he's happy and relaxed and thus I can relax as well.
Daddy's problem with this-- "It's not a normal relationship, and it's not preparing you for future relationships where you WILL have to read people."
Uhm, excuse me?
I don't want a "normal" relationship, normal relationships are hard and one half is usually unhappy with the other, as far as I can tell. One of the reasons I love spending time with Ryter is that when I'm around him, I'm not constantly on edge or wondering what he's thinking about (it's usually aliens or paleontology), and I can actually relax and enjoy myself. I can feel safe in the relationship and not like I'm constantly wondering when he's going to dump me.
Guys who have "normal" relationships are usually jerks, and if they aren't jerks they're treated like shit by the girl, and if neither of them are jerks they never actually discuss or work out problems. I am happiest in my "abnormal" relationship, but my dad thinks it's something bad.
And then there's the bit about "preparing me for future relationships..." I do not consider this a training relationship. I'm not dating Ryter to learn or work on my people skills. I am dating him because I like to be with him. Will this be the only relationship I ever have? I don't know, I don't really think about it. If I have to, probably not. But I would never treat a guy like a "training boyfriend." This relationship has no obligation to prepare me for anything, and I'm actually really insulted that Daddy would think I am the kind of girl who would do that to a guy.
I mean, I've known those girls, and especially those guys, who have a first boyfriend or girlfriend so they can figure out the whole dating thing and then trade up. They're usually really bitchy and immature, and they wind up hurting that first significant other when they decide they've learned enough. I would never do that-- I date people because I like them, not because I think I'm not experienced enough and I want to learn the ins and outs of dealing with people.
And then there's the fact that Daddy is concerned that Ryter cares so much for me, and actually half-joked today, "So when you do break up with him, make sure you do it in a public place with your own ride home and you come straight home, lock the door, barricade yourself in your room and warn the police."
Because apparently I'm dating an ax murderer?
Honestly, I was so insulted and hurt by that one I really didn't know how to reply. How do you reply when your father tells you, even in a joking tone, that he's worried that your boyfriend would attack you if you ever broke up? I have NEVER been afraid of Ryter, not since the day I met him. Afraid he would dump me, yes, though he's good at allaying those fears. But afraid of him? Never. And yet every other week I'm desperately afraid that Daddy's gonna kill me for some little thing I screwed up. Of the two of them, Ryter and Daddy, I would honestly expect Daddy to hit me before Ryter did, and if you knew my father you would know how much that means.
(To be fair, I don't think Daddy dislikes Ryter as a person, I think he just doesn't like the dynamic of our relationship. Not that that's really all that much better. Oh, and my mom was asleep for most of this conversation, and didn't really say that much when she was awake.)
My parents come from a time when the lack of internet meant you didn't talk to your significant other every day unless you lived with them, so they see that Ryter and I talk all the time and they interpret it as "clingyness," despite the fact that I do it right back. They can't comprehend the idea that we might actually just genuinely like each other and trust each other and want to spend time together, because apparently, that's not a "normal" relationship.
So tell me-- why the hell would I WANT this elusive "normal" relationship???
And the Brother talks to his girlfriend every night he's home on the phone, not even the internet while doing other things-- WHY AREN'T THEY PESTERING HIM???
It actually went very well; Daddy seems to be warming up to Ryter and there was a lot of sci-fi talk, and then we got into talking about the 60's (Quote from my father: "We started in this one English class reading all this hippie literature, and then moved into Marxist doctrine...") and stuff like that. Then I bought Ryter some fudge at the gift shop and he bought me a stuffed lobster and we dropped him off at his apartment before heading home.
Now, a warning-- below this line is me angrily emoting for quite some time, so feel free to not read it.
The WHOLE way home, we were talking about Ryter; this was not my doing. It only started because my mom was wondering how anyone could afford to rent anymore if a studio apartment in Durham was $900. I pointed out that a) it's a very nice apartment and close to the school, b) his landlady is very lenient, and c) he's living alone, and most people starting out have roommates.
This diverged into why he doesn't have roommates, and it all went downhill from there.
The main thing in the conversation, though, was that Daddy's biggest problem with Ryter is one of the reasons that I love him so much-- he's very easy to read. He wears his emotions on his sleeve and I can tell exactly how he's feeling almost all the time, and he'll tell me why he's feeling that way. Thus, the fact that I have issues reading people's emotions isn't a problem, and I know when he's happy and relaxed and thus I can relax as well.
Daddy's problem with this-- "It's not a normal relationship, and it's not preparing you for future relationships where you WILL have to read people."
Uhm, excuse me?
I don't want a "normal" relationship, normal relationships are hard and one half is usually unhappy with the other, as far as I can tell. One of the reasons I love spending time with Ryter is that when I'm around him, I'm not constantly on edge or wondering what he's thinking about (it's usually aliens or paleontology), and I can actually relax and enjoy myself. I can feel safe in the relationship and not like I'm constantly wondering when he's going to dump me.
Guys who have "normal" relationships are usually jerks, and if they aren't jerks they're treated like shit by the girl, and if neither of them are jerks they never actually discuss or work out problems. I am happiest in my "abnormal" relationship, but my dad thinks it's something bad.
And then there's the bit about "preparing me for future relationships..." I do not consider this a training relationship. I'm not dating Ryter to learn or work on my people skills. I am dating him because I like to be with him. Will this be the only relationship I ever have? I don't know, I don't really think about it. If I have to, probably not. But I would never treat a guy like a "training boyfriend." This relationship has no obligation to prepare me for anything, and I'm actually really insulted that Daddy would think I am the kind of girl who would do that to a guy.
I mean, I've known those girls, and especially those guys, who have a first boyfriend or girlfriend so they can figure out the whole dating thing and then trade up. They're usually really bitchy and immature, and they wind up hurting that first significant other when they decide they've learned enough. I would never do that-- I date people because I like them, not because I think I'm not experienced enough and I want to learn the ins and outs of dealing with people.
And then there's the fact that Daddy is concerned that Ryter cares so much for me, and actually half-joked today, "So when you do break up with him, make sure you do it in a public place with your own ride home and you come straight home, lock the door, barricade yourself in your room and warn the police."
Because apparently I'm dating an ax murderer?
Honestly, I was so insulted and hurt by that one I really didn't know how to reply. How do you reply when your father tells you, even in a joking tone, that he's worried that your boyfriend would attack you if you ever broke up? I have NEVER been afraid of Ryter, not since the day I met him. Afraid he would dump me, yes, though he's good at allaying those fears. But afraid of him? Never. And yet every other week I'm desperately afraid that Daddy's gonna kill me for some little thing I screwed up. Of the two of them, Ryter and Daddy, I would honestly expect Daddy to hit me before Ryter did, and if you knew my father you would know how much that means.
(To be fair, I don't think Daddy dislikes Ryter as a person, I think he just doesn't like the dynamic of our relationship. Not that that's really all that much better. Oh, and my mom was asleep for most of this conversation, and didn't really say that much when she was awake.)
My parents come from a time when the lack of internet meant you didn't talk to your significant other every day unless you lived with them, so they see that Ryter and I talk all the time and they interpret it as "clingyness," despite the fact that I do it right back. They can't comprehend the idea that we might actually just genuinely like each other and trust each other and want to spend time together, because apparently, that's not a "normal" relationship.
So tell me-- why the hell would I WANT this elusive "normal" relationship???
And the Brother talks to his girlfriend every night he's home on the phone, not even the internet while doing other things-- WHY AREN'T THEY PESTERING HIM???
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