What I Think About When I Should Be Doing Homework

So I was reading Navelgazing Midwife, which is a fascinating blog, and very helpful to me, because I want to go into obstetrics and gynecology and the blog often talks about problems with OBs.

I was especially interested in her post about birth rape, because I honestly never heard of it before, but it really makes sense. Many women were saying how their OBs didn't respect their choices or tried to force or coerce them into things, especially involving sticking hands or instruments up the birth canal. I read several years ago about doctors who perform episiotomies when the mother doesn't need it, and I was rather horrified. One thing I always assumed about medicine was that you do what the patient (or their legal guardian) wants, as long as it is legal.

Now, of course, in childbirth there is the question of the child and sometimes things go wrong. But misrepresenting information to a mother, or treating her like she is stupid or imbalanced simply because she is in labor? I hope I never get that arrogant, and that if people see me becoming so, they will slap sense into me. I know that when I am in my residency I will have to obey the chief OB, but I hope I can get one who is understanding and compassionate towards the new mothers, and that even if I am not so lucky I will still focus on the mother and pay attention to HER demands.

I think when I get to that point in my life I'll take classes in midwifery, so I can do things like catch the baby no matter what position the mom is in, and learn what's best to say to mothers. And I intend, if at all possible, to hand the baby to the mother BEFORE it gets brought into the nursery. Unless the baby is seriously injured or drastically premature and needs medical attention, mothers should get to see and hold the results of their labor immediately (or when they wake up) and begin bonding (unless, of course, it is a case of the child being put up for adoption or surrogacy and the biological mother doesn't want to hold the baby).

One of the reasons I want to be an OB/gyn and not a midwife or a nurse, besides money, is that as an OB, I will have control, and be able to do things like kick out nurses who belittle the mother or try to pressure her into things she doesn't want. And hopefully in my own small corner of the world, I can start making up for all the shitty, terrible OBs in the world.

And as for myself, when I'm pregnant I'm going to do tons of research and walk into the OB's office (I don't think I'd want to do a home birth) long before labor and say, "I am informed and educated in the subject of childbirth, and I want you to understand that I expect to be in control. Do not try to treat me like a child or an idiot or a hysteric at any point in this process. If you do not agree ahead of time to listen to me and treat me like an educated equal, I cannot have you as my doctor." Hopefully by that point I will be in med school or an intern and have access to OBs I know I can trust.

And then I will probably have a perfectly normal, hospital birth, on my back with my only "unusual" demand being no epidural or offers of an epidural until I specifically request it. I mean, hospital births aren't all that bad. My mom had three healthy vaginal hospital births (even my sister, who was late) and she always talks about how the nurse-midwives who helped her were the most wonderful thing imaginable (there were a couple of other women in labor at the time and hers was fairly normal, so the OB was only really there to check in and catch the baby). But hopefully as an OB/gyn I'll be able to help some of the women who might otherwise have had a really terrible doctor who treats it as a disease instead of a normal biological process that just requires a bit of help and an experienced set of eyes and hands if something's wrong.


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Tonight Ryter suggested that he, Loquelo, Nonaestima and I all get a house in Dover next year, and I commute to campus...

Pros: I like Nonaestima and Loquelo, and obviously Ryter, and I would get to cook my own food and eat healthy. I'd have a real bathroom and a real kitchen and it might even be cheaper than living on campus, depending on where we go.

Cons: Ryter would have to be cleaner. I'm fairly messy myself but I have to have a clean toilet seat and no grime in my shower, and nothing sticky on tile floors or crumbs on the rug. Also, he figured we'd just share a bedroom, and I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that right yet. I wouldn't be living on campus and I'd bet money my circle of friends wouldn't be growing. I'd be paying for gas too. And even though I doubt it would happen (pray it won't), I have to consider what I would do if we ever broke up mid-semester.

Oh, and the number one con: My parents would NEVER agree to it. Not sharing a bedroom. My mom doesn't even want to have me live off campus at all, because she wants me to get the college experience, and she's already worried I spend too much time with him and that he's looking for someone to settle down with while I should be fun-dating. My dad... yeah. Not gonna happen. And they control the money.

Maybe senior year, if I proposed it right. But next year? HIGHLY unlikely. HIGHLY.

"Just because you get inspiration out of it doesn't mean that inspiration went into it." ~Hemingway

I have some things I'm afraid of that are rational. Things like car accidents or getting sick. But I've noticed something-- rational fears aren't the ones people think about all the time. It's the irrational ones that always pop into our heads.

Or maybe we notice them more because they ARE so ridiculous. But either way, I catch myself worrying about irrational things way more than rational ones.

I'm afraid that people can see me through pictures of them. Like, if I have a photo of someone on my desk, they can see me through the eyes of their photo-self. This even applies to magazine covers. Consequently, all the photos in my room face away from my bed, so that the people in them aren't watching me sleeping. If they do face the bed, they face the foot of the bed, where the curtain blocks the view (I have a four-poster bed). I turn magazines over if they have a person on the cover whose eyes I can see-- if their eyes are closed in the picture, they can't see me. One exception to this is my picture of Ryter and me, which sort of vaguely faces my bed, but not the head of it. I try to overcome this fear, as it is rather annoying to have to find just the right location in my room to get dressed in. But I still turn pictures around sometimes.

My other irrational fear comes up any time I either have weird food cravings, gain weight in my abdominal area, or have my period a little later than I expected. I have this irrational fear that I am pregnant. This would not be irrational were it not for the fact that I am not having sex, thus, pregnancy would be highly unlikely. I suppose it's conceit on my part, clearly, I am saintly enough to deserve the next Immaculate Conception; but still. I fight the urge to take a pregnancy test despite KNOWING I cannot, can NOT be pregnant. When I do finally become sexually active, I will make sure to inform everyone, so that they can buy stock in pregnancy test manufacturers, because I guarantee that no amount of oral contraceptives or condoms will prevent me from peeing on that stick every few mornings.

Does anyone else have any irrational fears?

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I saw No Reservations with Shrewd tonight. It was a very good movie, and if you like chick flicks you'll like it. If you like chick flicks and cooking, you'll love it. Shrewd adored it; then again, for dinner tonight for just the two of us (my parents have thankfully gone to to the Cape for two weeks and the Brother is in California with his drum corps), she made salmon with cheese polenta topped with tomato and orange pepper sauce, and spinach on the side.

I love it when my sister cooks, she's so much better at it than I am. Plus I always feel like I'm in some schmancy bistro, except the cook eats with me and monopolizes the conversation, and I have to help clean up afterwards.

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New additions to the blogroll!

The Comics Curmudgeon is a very funny blog about newspaper comics and how ridiculous they are. Check it out.

I've also been reading The Dilbert Blog, which is by Scott Adams, creator of the Dilbert comics, and is also quite funny but also often philosophical in nature.

And then there's the perennial geek favorite, Wil Wheaton's Blog.

I've also discovered Rock, Paper, Scissors, Gun, a very well-written personal blog that I've been checking out lately.

Then there's two blogs written by medical types, one by a med student called More Cowbell, and the other by a doctor called Doctor Anonymous.

And finally, another personal blog by someone who can actually write, called Living with Multiple Personalities. Check 'em out!

It's something in the water

For some reason over the past few weeks it seems like EVERYONE is telling me stories of people who got pregnant and then their deadbeat boyfriends abandoned them. I get that as a college student, my peers are going to be exposed to lots of alcohol, but really, is there something about being in college that makes all the women super-fertile and the men deadbeats? And why does everyone feel the need to tell me?

Bah!