Sunday, March 2, 2008

Conclusion-- I think

First of all, I'm on medication again, and I will be seeing a doctor back in Londonderry every two weeks until I can make an appointment with a psychiatrist. It's not ideal, but I don't have to see my creepy pediatrician doctor (I'm seeing one of the RNPs instead) and at least this means I can get my life/grades back on track in the meantime.

I also didn't go to class Thursday or Friday-- Friday because of the doctor's appointment, and Thursday because Wednesday night I had a bit of a breakdown and cried for several hours, and Ryter had to come get me and made me spend the night at his place so he could keep an eye on me and keep me company.

I feel bad for Ryter-- he's been trying so hard to help keep me stable and get me back on track, and meanwhile he's been having issues of his own, most recently the fact that his dentist crowned the wrong tooth, so he's going to have to deal with either forcing the dentist's office to make all the repairs free of charge as well as not charging him for the original crown, or else initiating a malpractice lawsuit. And he's been feeling like he shouldn't be complaining to me, despite the fact that I've told him it's okay, since I'm complaining to him. But he's been incredibly supportive and sweet, even if he was displeased that I asked for help from my mom rather than trying to pull through and do what was needed on my own.

I guess I should have, but I honestly didn't know what to do. The problem I have is that unlike Ryter, I never lived away from my parents until college, so my mom tended to just take care of all my medical stuff for me. Now I can make most appointments, but when I run up against a system I really don't understand, when I genuinely don't know what to do, I call her, and she can usually figure out something. Like in this case, having me go to a normal doctor's office not connected to the school, so they wouldn't just send me to the Mental Health Services people and make me wait. There's no way in hell I would have thought of that, because I didn't know that non-psychiatric doctors prescribed antidepressants. And next time I can do it on my own (if there is a next time, which I doubt).

It will take me a while before I can be fully independent. I expect to call my mom the first time I want to plan an elaborate Christmas dinner for my family and have it all ready at the same time, or if I'm the victim of fraud, because I've never experienced those kinds of things before. I mean, Ryter had to call his dad over the whole malpractice thing, partially due to the fact it's his insurance, of course, but also because it's just hard to know what to do in a situation you have never experienced before.

Next week, I'll call the psychiatrist in Dover and try to make an appointment, and also start calling around and trying to find a new therapist. There's one that is right next to campus and a very quick walk, plus she does Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which I am told might work well on me. If she's taking new clients that would be perfect. If not, I think my next option will probably be seeing one of the therapists who works in the same facility as the psychiatrist.

I have a plan. Plans are good.


Ian Thomas Healy said...

Best of luck to you!


Anonymous said...

Psychiatrists are the least religious physicians, and least likely to believe in God; a new study shows.-AMNews staff. Oct. 8, 2007.

I think of this every time I hear about psychiatrists. It only makes sense that they are atheists. Then again, I think anyone with rational thought can't help but be an atheist.

After reading some of your posts, I realized something. I don't have bad days anymore.

Basiorana said...

I'm not really an atheist. I just believe that the human notion of "god" or a higher power is an anthropomorphic way to conceptualize the unexplainable forces in the universe. To me, there is a higher power (higher than man, at least), and we reveal how it works through scientific inquiry, but it's not some old dude with a white beard who smites heathens. If it has a personality, it's not one we'd recognize as such. As we come to understand the universe, we have to reevaluate our concept of god(s) to accommodate what we know of how the forces that are more powerful than humankind work (this is where faith fails). And those forces are what humans consider god(s), though lack of understanding and inability to adapt to new ideas means that most people picture those forces with human personalities and humanistic forms.